cloud brains

I had another date last night with my secretive fellow. I went to visit him in the east bay (two hour train rides might make me lose my mind) and we listened to music and talked and he made me dinner and breakfast! It was all pretty wonderful. He says I make him nervous and that he was messing up things but I didn't notice.

I did notice how when I went home I managed to get on the wrong bus, which dropped me off short of my destination so I had to hop on the light rail and take two trains to get back to where my bike was. Then I had trouble finding the bike rack from the light rail station cause it was really complicated to get across the tracks. When I got home the doggy had peed on the floor so I had to clean that up before I left for work. When I got to work I dropped my tea cup in front of the water cooler, and then I managed to spill hot water on my desk. I am a complete mess today. Probably because I'm too busy daydreaming about rad pop punk dudes to function properly. This rules.

Man of Secrets

I met my secret admirer, and boy is he dreamy. We went out on a date friday and he stayed to hang out Saturday too, and then he wanted to take the last possible bus home and we missed it so I got to keep him all weekend. I forgot how much I like having a man around. Hopefully this one can stay a while.

I feel like I have been on a cloud all week, its totally rad. I am not sure how to handle all the compliments just yet. He bought me a rose from one of those street vendor "i'm selling flowers out of this bucket" guys in front of a bunch of my friends, it was totally embarassing (and adorable) but I guess I just need to get used to people treating me well.

Last night I dreamed that the last boy I loved along with a mutual friend of ours was in town for a wedding, for some reason his mother had made him wear this terrible dress to the wedding, it was white and lacy. We were walking around town near my house and he was wearing the dress, and a pearl bracelet, but the bracelet was cheap and falling apart. We went to a cake shop (it was more like a big glass refrigerator)and we got this lovely piece of cake with light brown frosting, maybe it was coffee flavored I dunno the other guy picked it out. It was only a slice so I took a few bites and then handed it to my friend while I went into 7-11 to buy domo toys. The boy in the dress was super excited by that too. Also i kissed him, but it was a stolen kiss because he is the most awkward boy on the planet. I decided not to kiss him again in the dream.

I think my dream is trying to tell me something, like, you're not in love with this dude anymore, his mom makes him wear dresses, you want a grown ass man that doesn't wear dresses and cheap bracelets. Also you want to eat cake all the fucking time. Yeah that must be it. Thanks dream.

who are you?

elephant juice

I think I found out who my secret admirer is, I also think that my new found information on his possible identity might have scared him away! Crap! He's a babe too! Double Crap! I am the worst at dudes, forever and ever. I should accept my fate and get some cats, pronto.

you bring me carrots and celery...

The weather is getting colder, and then hot again for a day, and then way colder. The nights are consistently chilly so I guess that's something to count on. I think cold nights make me want to have a nice dude around to snuggle with, actually that's a lie cause I always want that. I just don't want any of the complicated confusing mess that comes along with it. Blerg!

We played a show last night like two blocks from my old house. It was super fun and we sounded horrible but only because our guitarist Mark was too drunk to stand up! We haven't practiced in a long time either so all of these forces combined made for a terrible, yet hilarious set. I couldn't stop laughing the whole time. This drunk kid was super hyped and kept getting in my face and singing all the wrong words, it was pretty awesome. Mark got naked before we even played, I just kept freaking out and waiting for people I trusted to tell me it was safe to turn around again. Thankfully he was mostly covered by a guitar so I didn't get completely eyeball raped.

Today I am back at work feeling kinda weird, my chest hurts on the inside I don't know why, it feels weird whenever I move certain ways. Its in the middle under my sternum? (Is that what that thing is called?)I'm sure some good food and sleep will cure all that ails me, but I dislike discomfort. I have been staying up too late all week talking to that secret dude. I love puzzles, and hopelessness, and attention, and feeling like my life is a fairy tale.