I'm sorry for how badly I disfigured your arm.

FOOD RAGE?

So lately everything in my life has been wonderful and amazing. I could not be happier, well maybe if my ridiculous debt was paid off but other than that I feel pretty good. I feel that in my enamored blissful state the only thing that seems to get me worked up anymore is food. You gotta find something to be unsatisfied with right?

Last weekend my wonderful boyfriend took me out to this awesome pizza place he has been raving about since we started dating. He was going to be his treat and these pizza's are quite expensive so I was feeling pretty pampered. We are about to order and we inquire (just to be sure) that the pizza was vegan, and the waitress informed us the pan would be coated in butter, being the bad vegan that I am I decided to just "eat around" the parts touching the butter, I didn't want to waste the trip or seem ungrateful. Then ANOTHER waitress comes up and tells me there is whey in the dough. I try to justify just eating toppings but apparently they are all baked in under the dough, and everything is all gooey and it would be impossible to keep it kosher.

I felt so silly in the restaurant when I started crying cause the only thing I could eat there was salad! I was hungry, and disappointed, and in a state of food rage. I feel embarrassed that a ruined meal can get the best of me but luckily my wonderful boyfriend walked me down the street to a lovely little indian food place that was really delicious.

I feel crazy sometimes, but then I talked to my bff Tessa last night and she was like "of course you got upset! you were hungry and you couldn't eat anything! I would have been pissed too!" so that made me feel a lot better.

I feel like such a brat sometimes.

I know I'm unclutterable, you don't have to tell me. I have too much in my life, take it, it's yours.

This year I think I need to FINALLY get my shit together and unclutter my life. I have so much stuff, and I mean yeah most of it is totally cool stuff, but I live in a very small room in a teeny bungalow and I really would love a little more room to stretch out. I think the problems with this I have had in the past have all involved me believing all my cool junk has value, or some sort of purpose other than just being junk. The other reason I keep things is purely sentimental.

For example I have this really gross smelling raspberry body splash and bath set my grandmother gave me that I will never use. It was in a "get rid of" pile for about 4 months and before I could get rid of the pile she passed away causing any item ever given to me by her no matter how gross smelling to somehow become priceless and cherished. (I also have a bag of random socks she gave me that I can no longer wear for fear of destroying them because my grandma will never buy me socks again, and that is the saddest idea ever)

I completely realize that I am a crazy, sentimental fool, but I honestly don't know how else to be. I am going to figure it out though, I have to, this shit is getting ridiculous. I also realize that because I am in a considerable amount of debt, the chances of me buying more stuff to compensate for the discarded junk is very unlikely. This is the best possible time for me to clean house. Wish me luck.

2010 please be my friend

1. Seriously get my debt under control.

2. Write a whole song by myself, not just lyrics and melodies, guitar
stuff too.

3. Do stretches, become more flexible.

4. Be closer with my family, even though most of them drive me crazy.

5. Eat better, like make sure I get essential nutrients and junk.

6. Memorize that REM song "it's the end of the world"

7. Get rid of more stuff.

These are my resolutions! Let's hope I keep them!

beans, no beans, please, thank you.

I had a very happy holiday, it's been a long time since I have felt this positive about everything. Matt saved me from being alone and depressed and as the holiday season is about to come to an end I am looking back on it with a sense of "that wasn't so bad." I'm totally all stupid and in love.

Highlights of the season include:
Ice skating in the rain! Downtown San Jose has an outdoor ice rink every year built amongst a circle of palm trees. It's really cool because the trees are like in parts of the ice rink and you skate around them. It rained all day so there was a huge puddle on the ice. I fell as soon as he stopped holding my hand. The screaming and laughing made the cold wet butt a lot more bearable. Of course we saw another guy with a bucket and he bought me another rose. Red this time. We went and looked at all the christmas trees and animatronic scary elves in the park before taking the bus home and making root beer floats and abuelita.

Post thanksgiving pot luck! A bunch of our friends came over for a potluck, which eventually turned into a drunken dance party. Most of my friends were with family and I knew less than half of the people there. Only a few cups got broken. Matt and I fell asleep to the sound of REALLY loud R&B songs and a living room full of people screaming every couple of minutes. I still can't believe we didn't get a noise complaint, the door was even wide open. Matt made this amazing hummus.

Christmas eve lunch! Tessa and I exchanged gifts early christmas eve. I almost mutilated her large present trying to ride my bike with it, luckily the box it was in was very unimportant! After opening presents we went with Vito to get lunch and he decided to buy us all lunch because he wanted to go to the fancier, more expensive vegan restaurant. It ruled. When I left to get on the bus this crazy lady wearing all pink decided to talk to me for a really long time about her neck pain.

Christmas eve! I show up at Matt's and open the door. He comes sprinting across the living room covered in flour and sweaty and LEAPS over the couch to yell "NO!" in my face and slam the door. It was the most adorable thing ever. He was wrapping my present and baking cookies. I know I shouldn't encourage his procrastination but it often makes for very cute situations.

Chili and LOST! Matt made me chili, and we have been watching lost, his chili is so good, LOST is so good. Holy shit. I never want to leave the couch ever.

Tonight I am going to see him and stay until the new year! Yes! I will also be using the new ice cream maker he bought me, DOUBLE YES! I am so stoked to make delicious ice cream of my very own. I haven't been this happy in a long time!

the dreaded holidays.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, only about 2 more weeks until the lonliest most awkward holiday of the year for me! This year it actually falls on my grandmothers birthday, who's death changed the face of thanksgiving as a whole.

I know thanksgiving is a day to give thanks, and like appreciate stuff and be with people you love, but all the people I love have family obligations and can't hang out, and all of my family is whacked out or way too far away for me to even get to. It's a completely frustrating holiday and I fear I will end up alone in my kitchen cooking a gigantic feast for just me.

I will probably end up spending the day with my best friend and her family possibly, but that's all the way in Antioch and I don't know how i will get home in time to prepare for the potluck at my house the next day! Which makes me want to stay home so I don't get stuck somewhere far away, I dunno, the holidays stress me out! Don't even get me started about the awful $300 bullshit parking ticket i have to pay in December in order to register my car! MY CAR WHICH DOESN'T EVEN WORK!! SINCE JUNE!!!

I'm going to go watch "its thanksgiving charlie brown" and cry.

Tampa-ing