Sunny D.

I am starting to feel better, I mostly only feel shitty at work, and that's because I'm at work. Also its really dusty and dirty here. Bleck! I want to try running tonight, but apparently I need like 10 more sports bras before I even try... okay that's an exaggeration, but I was told I should wear 3 of them, plus my regular bra to make for a non bouncy, no stretch marky run. Why the hell can't I just buy ONE that WORKS? I know society likes boobs, but they're really fucking inconvenient. I can't wear button up shirts, or find bathing suits that fit me, or run without wearing a shitload of sports bras and an ace bandage (yes my friend suggested I "ace bandage" myself down cause apparently that really helps.) Oh lord. Life is hard.

I know I rant a lot, but I'm actually very happy, life is just so rediculous sometimes. I've been feeling really good lately (other than being sick) and I'm just excited about everything thats coming up for me. I get to go on vacation in 3 weeks, the band is doing good despite the occasional tantrum (not from me!) Its just like I constantly have something to look forward to, which is exciting and I'm not used to it!



TIMELINE OF FUCKING GREAT SHIT:

october 18th - we're playing this weird hardcore show, its going to be super awkward but I don't care.

october 20th - loved ones at bottom of the hill, alexis's birthday. I have no idea what to get her.

october 24th - party for leo's birthday and trevor and alexis's anniversary! I'm going to make an ice cream cake.

october 29th - leave for first vacation!! hang out with amazing people and see amazing bands! NOT SLEEP!

november 8th - we're playing nickel city with jonah matranga, this is going to be weird. haha but cool.

november 9th - we're playing with fireworks at gilman (first gilman show) and i think we actually fit in with these bands and people might like us.

november 13th - vacation part deux! I am going to new jersey for the last ergs show, and a million other shows. I get to hang out with an awesome guy and lots of awesome friends. I get to eat tons of vegan food!! I might be looking forward to this vacation the most.

november 19th - sleep all day. (vacation from my vacation)



when I come back I get to worry about thanksgiving and stuffing my face with food, winter is always awesome cause I get to see my family and wear scarfs and stay inside and watch movies all the time. I get to bake as much as I want cause the oven makes the house warmer. I get to experience my first holiday away from home, its going to be weird but fun.

I feel really positive that everything is going to be okay.

reading, cookies & parties.

Today I slept in till 1pm. My casa kid bailed on me cause she had to do laundry and see her dad, I am totally okay with that. I was feeling sick still last night so I didn't really want to get up today anyway.
My roommates made me drink "grandpa tea" this morning, which smells disgusting but with the right amount of agave nectar tastes just fine. It actually made me feel a lot better. I stayed in bed most of the day and watched TV on DVD and finished the book I was reading.

Finishing books feels really good, I don't do it enough, I don't read enough, I'm trying to fix that. I will probably start a new book tonight, I'm pretty excited. It comes highly recommended. I have a bunch of books just waiting for me to read them.

I got a package in the mail today from a friend, getting packages in the mail is basically the best feeling ever. I can't express enough how good it makes me feel!
I also went grocery shopping today and made cookies, basically I had an extremely productive and unproductive day. It was awesome cause I felt like I did absolutely nothing. Which is what I prefer to do anyway. I'm a lazy jerk.

After I made cookies and finished books and did tons of nothing I went to a party at my friend chris piss's house. I was promised there would be a couch on fire, I saw no couch!!! I did manage to unload an annoying box of old bills that's been in my trunk for months. I can't just recycle that shit cause I get nervous about identity theft and so throwing that box on the fire made me feel instantly better.

I hung out for about two hours and then headed home, there were a tons of kids I knew and even more I didn't. Whenever I go to parties like that I feel better about myself cause I'm not a total loser and I'm not huffing endust. I basically hung out by the fire the whole time cause it was so cold.

I think I need to sleep now, I have to work in the morning!! Blehck. Goodnight.

all aboard! head cold city!!

Last night I thought my nose sounded like a train whistle, I was trying to go to sleep and it made the train noise twice when I breathed out. I was totally shocked and amazed and tried to make the noise more. Then I heard the actual train and realized I was dillusional from being up too late.

you inspire me.

Sometimes you meet someone, and somehow they manage to change your whole perception of what you want to be doing and who you want to be. Its really scary at first, but also you feel good all over like you've been submerged underwater for a long time and can finally breathe. Its like that first breath of life that's making you appreciate what you are and what you have all over again. The pressure is off and you can just be you.

I feel so lucky to be feeling this, along with the encouragement you give me to persue things I'm not really confident about. When you tell me I can its like I just jump in, which I don't think I ever could have done without that push. I know you don't realize you make me feel this way, but you do, and I want to say thank you. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

p.s.

I just get really nervous. I'm trying not to mess things up.

mostly angry, negative post.

My nose won't stop running, I want to rip it off of my face. At least I didn't have to go to gilman last night cause the bunny canceled. I had a weird night and said some dumb stuff but I think its okay now. Every time I'm really happy I freak out and say dumb shit and mess everything up! I really wish I could just shut up sometimes. I'm sorry. Other than that I stayed up too late watching fosters home for imaginary friends and trying to be a good host. Oh and trevor caught a huge spider. I love my roommates for being rad and friendly even when they hate my houseguests. I feel extra complainy today so I'm just going to stop there, on a positive note.

As promised, here are some flyers I made. I get really excited and sometimes go a little overboard with the colors, (as you can tell in the 2nd flyer) but why the hell does photoshop give me so many if they don't want me using them!!?? Haha yeah also my brain doesn't work so good for this art stuff at 3am. I really like the last flyer cause its very simple, and I think I want to make more like that.

Tonight I have to go to gilman to supervise (I'm important) a video shoot for NO BUNNY. Apparently this guy dresses up like a bunny and shoves the microphone down the front of his underwear, basically I'm really interested to see what is going to happen. Unfortunately I'm also really tired and kind of sick and would rather not drive an hour or deal with any of this crap. I also have a friend driving through town tonight thats staying at my place. He talks about himself a lot and is kind of creepy so I don't want to deal with that either. I want to curl up in a ball and sleep!!! I will feel better in the morning... when he leaves.

I feel like i've been a cranky pants lately, and not so much a good friend. I'm always too busy for anyone and anything and it sucks. When I do have downtime I spend it doing laundry or cleaning my house or watching DVD's by myself. I am so exciting. I really can't wait to go on vacation, it won't solve anything but I know I will come back a lot less cranky and stressed out. 26 days... oh god!