the dreaded holidays.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, only about 2 more weeks until the lonliest most awkward holiday of the year for me! This year it actually falls on my grandmothers birthday, who's death changed the face of thanksgiving as a whole.

I know thanksgiving is a day to give thanks, and like appreciate stuff and be with people you love, but all the people I love have family obligations and can't hang out, and all of my family is whacked out or way too far away for me to even get to. It's a completely frustrating holiday and I fear I will end up alone in my kitchen cooking a gigantic feast for just me.

I will probably end up spending the day with my best friend and her family possibly, but that's all the way in Antioch and I don't know how i will get home in time to prepare for the potluck at my house the next day! Which makes me want to stay home so I don't get stuck somewhere far away, I dunno, the holidays stress me out! Don't even get me started about the awful $300 bullshit parking ticket i have to pay in December in order to register my car! MY CAR WHICH DOESN'T EVEN WORK!! SINCE JUNE!!!

I'm going to go watch "its thanksgiving charlie brown" and cry.

Tampa-ing

cloud brains

I had another date last night with my secretive fellow. I went to visit him in the east bay (two hour train rides might make me lose my mind) and we listened to music and talked and he made me dinner and breakfast! It was all pretty wonderful. He says I make him nervous and that he was messing up things but I didn't notice.

I did notice how when I went home I managed to get on the wrong bus, which dropped me off short of my destination so I had to hop on the light rail and take two trains to get back to where my bike was. Then I had trouble finding the bike rack from the light rail station cause it was really complicated to get across the tracks. When I got home the doggy had peed on the floor so I had to clean that up before I left for work. When I got to work I dropped my tea cup in front of the water cooler, and then I managed to spill hot water on my desk. I am a complete mess today. Probably because I'm too busy daydreaming about rad pop punk dudes to function properly. This rules.

Man of Secrets

I met my secret admirer, and boy is he dreamy. We went out on a date friday and he stayed to hang out Saturday too, and then he wanted to take the last possible bus home and we missed it so I got to keep him all weekend. I forgot how much I like having a man around. Hopefully this one can stay a while.

I feel like I have been on a cloud all week, its totally rad. I am not sure how to handle all the compliments just yet. He bought me a rose from one of those street vendor "i'm selling flowers out of this bucket" guys in front of a bunch of my friends, it was totally embarassing (and adorable) but I guess I just need to get used to people treating me well.

Last night I dreamed that the last boy I loved along with a mutual friend of ours was in town for a wedding, for some reason his mother had made him wear this terrible dress to the wedding, it was white and lacy. We were walking around town near my house and he was wearing the dress, and a pearl bracelet, but the bracelet was cheap and falling apart. We went to a cake shop (it was more like a big glass refrigerator)and we got this lovely piece of cake with light brown frosting, maybe it was coffee flavored I dunno the other guy picked it out. It was only a slice so I took a few bites and then handed it to my friend while I went into 7-11 to buy domo toys. The boy in the dress was super excited by that too. Also i kissed him, but it was a stolen kiss because he is the most awkward boy on the planet. I decided not to kiss him again in the dream.

I think my dream is trying to tell me something, like, you're not in love with this dude anymore, his mom makes him wear dresses, you want a grown ass man that doesn't wear dresses and cheap bracelets. Also you want to eat cake all the fucking time. Yeah that must be it. Thanks dream.

who are you?