2010 please be my friend

1. Seriously get my debt under control.

2. Write a whole song by myself, not just lyrics and melodies, guitar
stuff too.

3. Do stretches, become more flexible.

4. Be closer with my family, even though most of them drive me crazy.

5. Eat better, like make sure I get essential nutrients and junk.

6. Memorize that REM song "it's the end of the world"

7. Get rid of more stuff.

These are my resolutions! Let's hope I keep them!

beans, no beans, please, thank you.

I had a very happy holiday, it's been a long time since I have felt this positive about everything. Matt saved me from being alone and depressed and as the holiday season is about to come to an end I am looking back on it with a sense of "that wasn't so bad." I'm totally all stupid and in love.

Highlights of the season include:
Ice skating in the rain! Downtown San Jose has an outdoor ice rink every year built amongst a circle of palm trees. It's really cool because the trees are like in parts of the ice rink and you skate around them. It rained all day so there was a huge puddle on the ice. I fell as soon as he stopped holding my hand. The screaming and laughing made the cold wet butt a lot more bearable. Of course we saw another guy with a bucket and he bought me another rose. Red this time. We went and looked at all the christmas trees and animatronic scary elves in the park before taking the bus home and making root beer floats and abuelita.

Post thanksgiving pot luck! A bunch of our friends came over for a potluck, which eventually turned into a drunken dance party. Most of my friends were with family and I knew less than half of the people there. Only a few cups got broken. Matt and I fell asleep to the sound of REALLY loud R&B songs and a living room full of people screaming every couple of minutes. I still can't believe we didn't get a noise complaint, the door was even wide open. Matt made this amazing hummus.

Christmas eve lunch! Tessa and I exchanged gifts early christmas eve. I almost mutilated her large present trying to ride my bike with it, luckily the box it was in was very unimportant! After opening presents we went with Vito to get lunch and he decided to buy us all lunch because he wanted to go to the fancier, more expensive vegan restaurant. It ruled. When I left to get on the bus this crazy lady wearing all pink decided to talk to me for a really long time about her neck pain.

Christmas eve! I show up at Matt's and open the door. He comes sprinting across the living room covered in flour and sweaty and LEAPS over the couch to yell "NO!" in my face and slam the door. It was the most adorable thing ever. He was wrapping my present and baking cookies. I know I shouldn't encourage his procrastination but it often makes for very cute situations.

Chili and LOST! Matt made me chili, and we have been watching lost, his chili is so good, LOST is so good. Holy shit. I never want to leave the couch ever.

Tonight I am going to see him and stay until the new year! Yes! I will also be using the new ice cream maker he bought me, DOUBLE YES! I am so stoked to make delicious ice cream of my very own. I haven't been this happy in a long time!

the dreaded holidays.

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, only about 2 more weeks until the lonliest most awkward holiday of the year for me! This year it actually falls on my grandmothers birthday, who's death changed the face of thanksgiving as a whole.

I know thanksgiving is a day to give thanks, and like appreciate stuff and be with people you love, but all the people I love have family obligations and can't hang out, and all of my family is whacked out or way too far away for me to even get to. It's a completely frustrating holiday and I fear I will end up alone in my kitchen cooking a gigantic feast for just me.

I will probably end up spending the day with my best friend and her family possibly, but that's all the way in Antioch and I don't know how i will get home in time to prepare for the potluck at my house the next day! Which makes me want to stay home so I don't get stuck somewhere far away, I dunno, the holidays stress me out! Don't even get me started about the awful $300 bullshit parking ticket i have to pay in December in order to register my car! MY CAR WHICH DOESN'T EVEN WORK!! SINCE JUNE!!!

I'm going to go watch "its thanksgiving charlie brown" and cry.

Tampa-ing

cloud brains

I had another date last night with my secretive fellow. I went to visit him in the east bay (two hour train rides might make me lose my mind) and we listened to music and talked and he made me dinner and breakfast! It was all pretty wonderful. He says I make him nervous and that he was messing up things but I didn't notice.

I did notice how when I went home I managed to get on the wrong bus, which dropped me off short of my destination so I had to hop on the light rail and take two trains to get back to where my bike was. Then I had trouble finding the bike rack from the light rail station cause it was really complicated to get across the tracks. When I got home the doggy had peed on the floor so I had to clean that up before I left for work. When I got to work I dropped my tea cup in front of the water cooler, and then I managed to spill hot water on my desk. I am a complete mess today. Probably because I'm too busy daydreaming about rad pop punk dudes to function properly. This rules.

Man of Secrets

I met my secret admirer, and boy is he dreamy. We went out on a date friday and he stayed to hang out Saturday too, and then he wanted to take the last possible bus home and we missed it so I got to keep him all weekend. I forgot how much I like having a man around. Hopefully this one can stay a while.

I feel like I have been on a cloud all week, its totally rad. I am not sure how to handle all the compliments just yet. He bought me a rose from one of those street vendor "i'm selling flowers out of this bucket" guys in front of a bunch of my friends, it was totally embarassing (and adorable) but I guess I just need to get used to people treating me well.

Last night I dreamed that the last boy I loved along with a mutual friend of ours was in town for a wedding, for some reason his mother had made him wear this terrible dress to the wedding, it was white and lacy. We were walking around town near my house and he was wearing the dress, and a pearl bracelet, but the bracelet was cheap and falling apart. We went to a cake shop (it was more like a big glass refrigerator)and we got this lovely piece of cake with light brown frosting, maybe it was coffee flavored I dunno the other guy picked it out. It was only a slice so I took a few bites and then handed it to my friend while I went into 7-11 to buy domo toys. The boy in the dress was super excited by that too. Also i kissed him, but it was a stolen kiss because he is the most awkward boy on the planet. I decided not to kiss him again in the dream.

I think my dream is trying to tell me something, like, you're not in love with this dude anymore, his mom makes him wear dresses, you want a grown ass man that doesn't wear dresses and cheap bracelets. Also you want to eat cake all the fucking time. Yeah that must be it. Thanks dream.

who are you?

elephant juice

I think I found out who my secret admirer is, I also think that my new found information on his possible identity might have scared him away! Crap! He's a babe too! Double Crap! I am the worst at dudes, forever and ever. I should accept my fate and get some cats, pronto.

you bring me carrots and celery...

The weather is getting colder, and then hot again for a day, and then way colder. The nights are consistently chilly so I guess that's something to count on. I think cold nights make me want to have a nice dude around to snuggle with, actually that's a lie cause I always want that. I just don't want any of the complicated confusing mess that comes along with it. Blerg!

We played a show last night like two blocks from my old house. It was super fun and we sounded horrible but only because our guitarist Mark was too drunk to stand up! We haven't practiced in a long time either so all of these forces combined made for a terrible, yet hilarious set. I couldn't stop laughing the whole time. This drunk kid was super hyped and kept getting in my face and singing all the wrong words, it was pretty awesome. Mark got naked before we even played, I just kept freaking out and waiting for people I trusted to tell me it was safe to turn around again. Thankfully he was mostly covered by a guitar so I didn't get completely eyeball raped.

Today I am back at work feeling kinda weird, my chest hurts on the inside I don't know why, it feels weird whenever I move certain ways. Its in the middle under my sternum? (Is that what that thing is called?)I'm sure some good food and sleep will cure all that ails me, but I dislike discomfort. I have been staying up too late all week talking to that secret dude. I love puzzles, and hopelessness, and attention, and feeling like my life is a fairy tale.

I moved into my new place on Saturday, apparently I have gotten so good at moving that the entire move with a truck and a kia sportage took only about 4 hours! I was amazed, but with this being my fourth move in two years its about damn time. Mandi is awesome and super easy to live with, she marveled at my skillful and speedy unpacking abilities. I also have fallen deeply in love with her puppy Selena. She is such a good dog, an angel puppy. Pictured above she is confused and scared of the bread maker, this was right after she ran away from it she came in for a closer look.

We have a small but beautiful bungalow house, with a storage space and lovely hardwood floors. Our neighbors are nice, but a little crazy, they all have dogs that are much less loved than Selena and kept outdoors all day and all night. Selena stays inside when we're not home, shes so spoiled. (or not neglected) I am going to plant a lasagna garden in the back yard, it looks super easy and I can't wait till spring when I can start planting veggies!

I got my plane tickets to Gainesville, FL yesterday to attend the fest once again. I have done this the past two years and had a blast both times. I am really excited about this year. Its my chance to run away and have way too much fun all weekend one last time before winter. I am looking forward to seeing lots of old friends and making new ones too. October is my favorite month.

Yesterday a random person contacted me via AIM to tell me they were my secret admirer. I think its quite silly but I am also flattered and in a bit of disbelief. I mean I know I'm awesome, but I am always caught off guard when other people think so. Especially mysterious secretive people who claim to have never met me and give me very few clues to their identity. I guess that's part of the fun? I would love to solve the puzzle but somehow I feel like playing along and feeling this out will be much more fun. I guess the anonymity would make it a little easier to express feelings. I appreciate appreciation, and secretive people who want to make me feel special.

Dinner's for suckers

I haphazardly made fallafel balls last night and my rad roommate Becca
came up with some quick ideas of delicious things to accompany them.
She plans meals, I do not! She also arranged the veggies neatly on the
plate in a way that made me want to photograph them! I'm moving again
this weekend and I'm going to miss having a rad vegan roommate! She is
so Eco friendly too and reuses everything! I've been inspired!

Yesterday

I came home from a grueling weekend in the wilderness. I hiked for 5 hours, half of that was through a river. I didn't want to move the rest of the day. I barely slept because of all the moaning and love making that was going on in the other tents. Being single sucks. I was awakened at seven AM by screaming children. YES!

When I got "home" to my "haunted" room at Becca's house the kitty cat tailpipe was asleep on my bed. It warmed my heart and made me feel accepted and loved by my new feline roommate. Too bad I am moving out this weekend and will no longer be living with her. Fortunately I will be bunking with Mandi and her pit mix Selena, I haven't lived with a doggie in super long so I am way excited.

I came home with the sniffles, I was cranky the whole car ride home cause I was dirty, sore and we were listening to modest mouse and radiohead. I wanted to punch something and then fall asleep. I am not so good at mainstream indie rock. ESPECIALLY so early in the morning! How do people listen to that stuff without falling asleep? Seriously! In her defense she is in college and otherwise great people.

When I got home from work I made some cous cous and i screwed it up and it burnt to the bottom of the pot, I am a dummy sometimes. i spent the rest of the night trying to air out the kitchen and clean the burnt junk off Becca's sauce pan. I blame the virgin suicides for being such a great movie and making me want to watch it instead of watch my food.

Today I am in a weird mood and just want to be hugged by cute boys. I guess I want that all the time though.

ghost stories.

I have never really considered myself a nomadic person. Most of my life was spent in the same place, I have never lived more than 10 miles from where I was born. 21 years were spent in the same house. Now I am finding that despite my best efforts, I have been forced into this roaming wanderer life style.

In two years I will have moved four times, five if we only stay the length of the lease. That being said I have WAAAYY too much stuff to be this mobile and have decided that a serious cleanse is in order. I am a pack rat, I always have been and fear this moving thing may be the death of me.

I am currently living with a coworker temporarily, who was kind enough to open her house to me. She let me move in all of my stuff only so I can move it out again in a couple weeks. She lives in a big house really close to my work all by herself. I have shoved most of my crap into the master bedroom, allegedly the room with the most "supernatural activity". I have never really been sensitive to that sort of thing but I do love ghost stories and the idea of living in the "haunted room" makes my short stay mucho exciting.

Last night was my first night there, in the haunted room. As soon as I tucked myself in and put my phone on the charger I heard a strange thud. Okay it was just the power strip settling into place since I had pulled the cord a little to set my alarm. I went to sleep slightly spooked and puzzled by the cold air when the room had been baking hours before. It was either ghost hugs or shotty insulation.

In the middle of the night I was awakened by a much larger thud followed by lots of small fast thuds. This one scared me for a good two minutes as I laid there freaked out in the giant bed. (My bed which I smooshed next to the twin bed that was already in there to form the dreaded bed behemoth. The little bed is mostly occupied by the kitty cat named Tailpipe.) After the noise kept happening I realized that it was most likely a Turkey, yes, a turkey on the roof.

The neighbor has about ten enormous turkeys that my roommate hates. She warned me about them jumping on the roof and being scary and loud. I saw them out the bathroom window this morning as I was getting ready for work. They are right next to my bedroom, and apparently love the roof. Once I figured out the turkeys were merely trotting on the roof I felt a little less anxious and slept soundly, except for all the times the turkeys woke me up.

The pillowfort that I am currently moving out of is mostly vacant, and big and sad lately. Everything has to be out by Wednesday and I am sad to see my dream house go. I had the best, and worst two months of my life there. I had 3 shows in the basement, I had annoyed neighbors, I had suicidal roommates, I had bottles of piss on the porch. Sometimes you love a place so much it destroys you. 997 Delmas Avenue only made us stronger.

Run. On.

This morning I was riding my bike to work and this big dog in a car
that was parked barked at me right as I got next to it and I screamed
and swerved into the street and my friend who left shortly after me
swerved her car to keep from hitting me and the group of girls across
the street laughed.

I am a positive person

I am high functioning. I have the biggest dumbest heart ever. I love a little too much. I am a worrier. I can be obsessive. I get stressed out. I take care of people. I have never ever ever wanted to die.

I don't understand what makes anyone want to die, especially when they live in a nice house, and have awesome friends who love them and are totally supportive of them. Friends who are willing to do anything to keep you afloat, to make sure you're okay. Friends who feed you and stay up all night trying to convince you that you can get through this, its only a hurdle, a speed bump.

I called 911 for the first time in my life today. He was in a seizure and non responsive, and when he did look up at me his eyes went all googly. He didn't respond to his name, and he couldn't move. I accidentally put my arm in his sick, but that didn't bother me at all because I was too worried to worry. Sunday he tried to leave us, he almost did it. Today he told me he would get help. Today I found him almost dead. How many more times does this have to happen before he is okay? Can this be the last time?

boys...

How do I make them kiss me?

I am a killer of cars.

I drive them, and drive them, into the ground. so far into it. I am unmerciful. I am unrelenting. I am currently a "bike to work" kind of girl.

I borrowed the "company car" to move some stuff from my old house to my new house over the past few days, it is an old subaru wagon and really helped me get shit done. I was happy to have anything with a backseat as opposed to pack mule-ing items in my messenger bag on my bike. The worst time was when I decided to bring the ingredients to make cake with me:
5 lb bag flour,
5lb bag of sugar,
tub of shortening,
brand new big bottle of canola oil,
powdered sugar,
nearly full bottle of apple cider vinegar.

I got the approximately 20lb bag on my back and as it tightened on my chest and made things hard to breathe I simply repeated to myself "its only a mile, its only a mile" the entire way home.

Anyway the subaru did its duty, it got all of my crap over to the pillowfort in only 3 loads. This morning as I tried to leave for work the engine merely clicked at me. I tried to jump start it even though I was positive it was the starter, and I was right. There is now a dead subaru stuck in my driveway, hopefully it will be gone sometime tomorrow.

Everything is really overwhelming today, I can't wait to get off work, go to the bike store to buy a new lock and a light, and then bike downtown to see third eye blind for free at the park with lots of my friends. I am not moving anything tonight but might head over after the show to grab my ice skates and some pillowcases that are still at the house. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing behind the toilet last night so the old house is probably the last place I want to be tonight. I am so relieved to be finally done (almost) the remainder of my stuff there can almost definately fit into one garbage bag.

Tomorrow my band is playing an acoustic instore at hot topic, its a little strange but whatever its a show. We haven't sold out I promise.

c'mon get happy.

I have been slightly busy as of late, over the last 2 days I have moved almost everything I own from my old house (the motham) to my new house (the pillowfort) exactly .99 miles down the street. I have taken a lot of stuff by bike since I do not have a car currently as I wait anxiously for the warranty company to agree to fix my transmission. All the big stuff was moved by the brothers Lindow and my friend Mark, thanks guys!! All that remains in my old haunt is some kitchen appliances, food in the cupboards, and a tornado of random items and garbage awaiting sifting and packing.




I really love my new spot, it is .99 miles closer to work and cuts out one unnecessary hill I would have to ride up on my daily commute. Also it is in a nicer neighborhood with less mice and cockroaches! YES!!! The pillowfort also has a basement where my band can practice and where we can have shows once we test the waters and make sure the neighbors don't whine too much! It has a three car garage which won't house any cars, and an oven from the future!! My room is upstairs!! UPSTAIRS!!! I know this doesn't impress most of you but I have never lived in a house with stairs... so its really freaking exciting for me. Also, I already really fucking hate stairs.




The ceiling in my room is slanted on both sides because its the roof, I am one of the 2 people in the house that can actually stand up in that room without hitting my head so I feel like i've earned it. I do however hit my head on the slanted parts of the ceiling when I am digging through a clothes pile (my dresser won't fit) or playing records. I am getting used to slanty roof and seem to mind my noggin even when unnecessary. The best part is I have a great excuse to get handsome dudes to lay down in my bed with me. So where are all the handsome dudes?




Since my car is so lame and broken I have been riding my bike every day for the past 2 weeks to and from work. 10 miles a day, a little bit more from moving, and soon to be 1.98 miles less!! Yessss!! I love riding my bike but all of this "i have to" crap is getting on my nerves, I would really like to visit gilman or the east bay again someday. I am totally annoyed that I can't get out there, stupid BART. I mean technically I could ride my bike to the bus station and take a bus to Fremont and then the BART to Berkeley and then take a really long walk but since I can't bring my bike on BART it would take waaaayyyy tooo long and I don't feel good about locking my bike up in sketchy ass fremont. I do however thoroughly enjoy the amount of gas money I am saving.




Also my friends have been super duper awesome and supportive as of late, I am pretty positive I have the best friends I could ever ask for.

future oven!!



hot males lay down here.

midget door/ record nook

happy place.

Danny has anxiety.

I got to the show a little late, I rode my bike so I stashed it in the back and then began watching the first band. He walks up to me and motions for me to go outside with him. Of course I do, how could I deny his powers of handsome? He wanted to talk to me because we never get to talk cause he only sees me at shows, we talk about jobs, and houses, and how the first time is always the best time, "like sex" he says... and I guess I sorta froze up because I have never been good at talking about such things... I was mostly just shocked that this man whom I have re-fallen in love with every time he smiles at me since I met him in high school was talking to me so casually about sex. More than that I had recently come to believe that he was really Christian and wholesome and this just seemed to cancel all of that out. He also talked about chicken and he said I looked offended! I wasn't.

This was about two weeks ago. Everyday since I have planned to call him since he never gets to talk to me and everyday since I chicken out. I will tonight for sure. I ride my bike past his work on my way home from work, I always look for his car but I am never sure which one is actually his. I hope to someday ride in that car and maybe he will smile at me like he usually does and drop me off at home. Sometimes all I want is a handsome man to drive me around and kiss me. That will probably never happen.

In three weeks I head to the east coast for some shows in NYC and New Jersey, and Insubordination fest in Baltimore. I am really really excited to see all the bands. I am also kind of nervous. In three weeks I get to hang out with the last boy who broke my heart. Believe me the list is long but since this was the most recent it still feels fresh. I thought I had buried all these feelings away but the closer it gets the more anxious I feel. Uck. I know I will be okay and it will be fun and I will be fine but its hard to keep my emotions at bay. I think if i resist any urges to kiss him or cry I will be good, if I had any idea what he felt maybe I wouldn't be so bugged out but I'm not expecting any miracles. I probably shouldn't be allowed to talk to dudes anymore, I am kind of a mess.

I made it for you.

I still miss you, not as much as I used to but it's still there. I wish we could go back to the way things were but I know you're not the same.

I want to be in your life
I want to be in your life
Please let me back in.

garage sale saturday, I need to pay my hearts outstanding bills.

I am slowly downsizing my life. I have always kept everything, because it reminded me of someone or something and made me feel good, and now I realize maybe I don't need quite so many things to remind me of the people I love and one thing for each person will suffice. My best friend Tessa was over on Saturday and watched me go through boxes for several hours. She basked in my childhood memories and said that one of the things she loved most about me was that she could come here and listen to my memories, since she doesn't have quite as much memory evoking stuff.

Everyone has memories, but my little trinkets and doodads hold special pinpointed memories that I am slightly afraid to lose, but I know I don't want to haul all of this stuff around for the rest of my life. Since I don't have a place where I can really store any of this junk it will just be slowly chipped away at as my memory fades and I grow more and more weary of my cluttered existence.

My friend Angela went to one of those quater machines and put in quarters until she collected ALL of the homies for me.

I got all of these in happy meals in the 80's. Mac Tonight is also what I believed the boogeyman to look like. He lived in my grandfathers tool shed. I still think he is terrifying.

That being said the reason for the all of a sudden downsizing is I am moving, well that and the 6 boxes in the kitchen I never quite unpacked from when we moved in a year ago. We are upgrading to a large 4 bedroom house with 6 really awesome people crammed into it. It has a basement and an attic and although none of us have seen the inside of the house I am confident it will be fantastic as well. I drove by it yesterday and it gigantic! I am so excited to live in a house of such grandeur!! Also my friend mandie will be living with us and she has a dog which I am totally excited to live with. I can't wait!

mama life has just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away.

Yesterday I went to visit the parental unit for obligatory mothers day festivities. I have been incredibly broke the past couple of weeks so instead of buying flowers I made my mom a lovely card with construction paper, markers, and oil pastels. I haven't seen mom since christmas, she lives 10 minutes away. I admit that I am a terrible daughter, but it seems the "treat people how you want to be treated" credo doesn't work on mom, so I go into the defensive "treat people how they treat you" stance with her and offer up mostly distance and unreliability.

When I got to my grandparents house (host) I saw a blonde woman (parasite) standing in the driveway. I did not know her, or care to so I promptly went inside to which she told me "you might want to go through the back, the guy is working on the door" I didn't know what she meant until I went inside, found it vacant and tried to go into the back yard, but some guy was working on the back door. Oh that guy. She went into the back to tell my mom some crazy broad in a honda went into the house. (me) When I finally got into the backyard mom introduced me to the woman (my cousin Donovans aunt Chris) and her son. They have been staying there for the past couple of weeks because they got kicked out of their house or something. At first I was weary but upon talking to Chris more she just seemed batshit crazy and good company for my mom. Also she helps out with Grandpa.

Grandpa is getting worse. Hes got the Alzheimers PRETTY bad now. I mean I am used to him being confused about who I am but I don't know if he knew who I was at all this time. He smiled at me a few times but maybe only because he was scared of me. Haha. In the hour to an hour and a half I was there he checked the mail at least 15 times. He kept coming up to my mom and being upset that the mail wasn't here, that I had parked in front of the mailbox, and that the letters he put in the mail were now gone. He brought in the mail and then tried to put it back in the box several times. We kept trying to explain tomorrow is Sunday and the mail won't come and we shouldnt put the new mail out till Monday but he didn't get it. He also kept thinking he got the harmonica and cigarette lighter he was carrying around out of the mailbox. Mom had to keep explaining what they were how to use them. I was constantly amused by this. Mom was angry. Gramps has also got a giant weird mole on his temple now. Mom said she was taking him to get it checked, it was pretty gross looking.

There was also a tiny baby at the house, its Chris's grandaughter whom she had for the weekend. The baby was cute and my mom took great pride in knowing how to take care of it. She is really good with kids that did not grow in her own womb. This has always confused me, maybe she thinks that's enough?

After departing from my grandparents house (that no longer looks like the house I was raised in) I went to Gilman to see Ringers from boston play, along with nobunny, rock and roll adventure kids, street eaters and shotwell. I used $15 in rolled coin currency (pennies and nickels) to get gasoline so I could make it there and back. I am totally serious about my economic downfall. The show was a ton of fun and I am really glad I went.

When I got home I made a cool fleece monster cover thing for a mixtape I am making my friend Nick, he will be here on tour with the Dopamines friday and we planned several months ago to exchange mixes, and of course I procrastinated. The cover looks awesome though so hopefullly the b side can live up to it. When my roommates got home they noticed a box on the porch for me, it said "too Danny turdle" with a badly drawn turtle on it. Inside it was a turd (human I think) decorated with chocolate chips and batteries. It was really disgusting and went to the garbage immediately. I have a number of immature friends and no enemies I can think of so I don't think the "turdle" was meant to be malicious. Also whoever made it then had to get close enough to it to stick chocolate chips in it so I am okay with a quick peek and then carrying it to the trash. It was slightly humorous in a "I can't believe one of my friends is this insane" sort of way. I still kind of gag a little when I think about it. Uggghh why are people so strange?

The weather lately has been beautiful, always sunny and beautiful outside but the temperature has been a little crazy. Hot for a few days, and then just when I caved and wore shorts it got cold again. Thanks weather, way to be a pal. The dramatic temperature change also made my allergies go a little nuts. All of this beautiful weather makes me wish I didn't work 40 hours a week.

I am super stressed about booking shows, its tour season so I am getting way more hits than usual. The recession is hitting hard and turnout to shows are getting worse and worse, and I can't make enough to appease the bands and the club. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of summer when my lease is up and me and my bandmates can get a big ol' house with a big ol' basement for little teeny house shows. I honestly can't wait, we're all into it, its going to be perfect if we can only find a place.

Okay its way too late and I need to sleep. Thanks for listening.

a new name for everything.

I feel like I am a little bit smarter than I have always been. I feel like maybe I am making better decisions, about who I want to spend time with, what I want to do with my life, what I should spend money on and most importantly feelings.

I always tend to let my feelings get the best of me, I am constantly following my heart rather than my brain. At times that can be admirable but I think sometimes its just plain dumb. This week I made a shocking "hey dummy this dude is never going to give you the attention you deserve" discovery and decided I just need to drop it. (like its hot?) Its really difficult for me to reason with myself at times because all I really ever want is lots of hugs and kisses and some handsome man to sweep me off my feet. In a romantic stupid way, not in a karate kid "sweep the leg johnny" kind of way if you catch my drift. I know this notion is totally unrealistic and all I will ever really have is me, but a girl can dream can't she?

BOO! YOU WHORE!

Sometimes you have feelings, and you never act on those feelings cause you don't want things to get "weird" or mess up "friendships" and then you blurt out all your feelings like word vomit to your long standing crush (lets say 4 years, not constant but in an "everytime I see you" kinda way) when you find out he has a new girlfriend.

Play it off, its totally cool, everythings always cool. I mean, just kidding. Duh.

Today felt extremely long. I was at work, having what felt like a text message argument all day with a more recent crush. I think I need to just give up on crushes all together. They are nothing but trouble, don't get me started on trouble.

Just when I thought I had been cured of my feelings by the last heart break here they are again. Stupid squatter stow away feelings won't leave me be. I want to be a robot in my next life, completely devoid of feelings. I can't cry because I will rust, that's the ticket!

Or maybe I am just sexually frustrated?

HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY!

I am not so good at frosting, but you get the gist. I like the one in the middle, he's a CYCLOPS!
(I totally did that on purpose!)

2 years is a very very long time...

To be without a grandma. Its been exactly 2 years since I last saw her, I think about her and miss her everyday. I know that everyone dies someday, but I really wish we could have had more time.

I am luckier than most people, I had a grandma who loved me unconditionally, even when I dyed my hair funny colors and put holes in my face. She was always there, and always supportive of anything and everything I ever did. She raised me as her own, and taught me everything I needed to know. She was better than a parent, she was a saint.

She went to every school play, every choir preformance, sighed the softest, laughed the loudest. She cut the crust off my sandwiches, for years she would buy cordoroy pants at yard sales just because I had a pair. She was the sole provider of my socks and underwear for at least three quarters of my life thus far.

I don't think I will ever love someone or be loved as much as she loved me. She made me who I am, and I can never thank her enough. I am a better person because she was such a huge part of my life.

I always have dreams that she didn't die and that she's just around giving out sage advice and everythings good. I always feel like that's her checking in on me. I have never been religious or into any of that spiritual hoo hah, but for her sake I really really hope there is a heaven where she can eat menudo, listen to mariachi bands and watch her soaps all day.

I love you grandma.

SNOW

tour 310, originally uploaded by prettymesss.

yeah I was there!! third time ever!!

Fremont Troll

tour 186, originally uploaded by prettymesss.

Crazy cool. I picked its nose.

mighty o donuts

tour 209, originally uploaded by prettymesss.

I want to eat you for the rest of my life.

I'm officially in love with the pacific northwest.

I haven't been posting much as of late, this week I am on tour with my band, last week and the week before that I was mostly panicking about how we were going to manage/afford going on tour, honestly it is going so much better than I imagined!

Day 1: Sacramento, CA.
We drove about 2 hours north of home, got to R5 records where the show was and we were early so we hunted down some food. We ate at a vegetarian vietnamese restaurant called Andy Nguyen's. It was pretty god damn delicious but the service totally sucked. They took forever to get us our food and we were late to the show, sorry sacramento!!

We played with the Grid Rats and the Snot Cocks, they were both awesome and totally punk and made me feel less punk by default but my sassy new haircut is pretty punk and so is my silver sprocket jacket so I felt okay! They were super nice, kids beat the crap out of each other brutally with pillows, the pillow fight even broke out onto the streets of seattle. Those kids were nuts. It was a free show so we didn't really make any money and it was monday so there wasn't a ton of people there but it was a good start.

Immediately after the show we left to portland. It was a hellacious 11 hour drive and Leo drove the whole way! He is a powerhouse. We giggled about everything because we were so exhausted the entire time and that just makes things funnier. Things like "robert brownie junior" yeah I said it.

Day 2: Portland Oregon.
We arrived in portland at the home of Dave and Ryan death ray at 7am. They are amazing dudes and have an enormous couch! We probably only slept for about 3 hours and then got up to drink smoothies (thanks to Ryan and his amazing vita mixer) and check the internet!

Our album is currently streaming at punknews.org, probably not for much longer. http://www.punknews.org/article/32807 we giggled at all the comments about us being so ugly we must be from monster island and one kid said we were "54%" hardcore. There was also a comment about our brutal to brotherhood ratio being "off the fucking charts" which simply doesn't make sense to any of us so is now a constant source of amusement.

We met up with my long time friend Lesa for dinner, she treated us because she is a saint. We had amazing meatball subs at the bye and bye. I had a side of brussel sprouts FTW! After that we went to voodoo donuts (after saint cupcake failed and was all out of vegan donuts) where I got totally happy (you may think you have seen my happy, you probably haven't) I ate a donut called the "old dirty bastard" it was glorious. Lesa then took us to Burnside skate park where all the dudes in my band popped skateboard videogame boners, whatever that means.

The show was at the Mafia House, in a dingy small basement. It was totally fun and there were a bunch of people there. Danger death ray played first and were super good, They had no drummer so just did solo stuff. We played 2nd and the danger death dudes sang along and pillowfighted, Lesa took pictures http://www.flickr.com/photos/lesamonster/sets/72157615820591611/
The only suck part was that I had to use my own microphone which apparently isn't loud enough so they kept turning me up and if I moved in front of the speakers it would feed back a lot so I was confined to a small space. I like to move!!

Early times was amazing, Anchor down is still amazing, they are some of the nicest guys ever. I can't wait till May 15th when they play gilman! After the show I got to drive David's car, Ryan made us vegan pizza, we watched a hella old Elvis costello concert from Germany or something and I got my cuddle on with a cute portland boy!

Leaving portland was really hard because everyone was so awesome but we were way excited to move on to seattle! Before we left Ryan made us vegan pancakes, I had mine ala mode with chocolate ice cream, raspberries, blueberries and pecans. I am a little insane. We also went to food fight grocery and sweet pea bakery. I got some delicious coffee cake which I still haven't finished and a bunch of gelatin mix and ricemallow creme! Yum!!

Day 3: Seattle, Washington
The drive into seattle was kind of slow and traffic jammed. We got into seattle and arrived at my friend Chris Crusher's house. We sat on the couch, listened to records and got fed an amazing vegan meal (spaghetti and meatballs) by a bunch of meat eating non vegans! It was awesome! We all headed over to the funhouse and then walked around by the space needle and sci-fi museum until the show started.

The funhouse was awesome, they gave us whatever we wanted, it was a bar with a basketball hoop in the side yard! The ice giant hurt his ankle really bad playing Horse with the guys. Our set was really fun, senor pantalones rojos was the drunken master of pillowfights! It ruled!

Success! Was amazing, they did a billy bragg cover and my mind was blown! I had tons of fun!! They are awesome dudes and very very talented to boot! Dateless played their last show, it was really fun but also really sad!! They did a bang up job and Kevin played a few songs with them too. It was lots of fun and shennanigans ensued when the pillowfights started a pillowfight during their set.

After the show we went back to Crusher and Alli's house and laughed and talked and played modern english songs on strange instruments until the wee hours of the night.

Day 4: Seattle washington part 2
We slept in! Hooray!! We watched Trale Lewous videos on youtube!! We went to Araya's vegan indian food buffet! We battled the Fremont troll! Gas works park! We got Mighty O motherfucking donuts!!

We showed up at the GRN STRP house, vegan pizza was bought for us, a ton of people from the night before came through again to see us, it made us feel good. The house was awesome, just a fun punk house, I really wanted to mop the floor.

Is electric played first, they were so fun live and barely fit all 6 of them on stage!
Like Claws played second, this band is made up of a really nice guy named Zack and my insanely talented friend Jason Clackley. They were awesome and I kept fixing the mic stand for Zack and jokingly harassing him about breaking everything.

We played third and it went insanely well. Senor pantalones rojos brought his own pillows to the show!! Holy crap!! A lot of kids sang along to our songs which was totally unexpected and awesome, and even more sang along with our kelly clarkson cover. That's right I said it!

The damage done was amazing and totally sweet guys. They were the best band of the night and the living room of the GRN STRP house went nuts. They dedicated an Alkaline Trio cover to us! It was awesome!
After the show we talked and sat around as long as we could until everyone had to leave. We went back to crushers house, relaxed, talked about the pop punk, he put on the green man suit and scared the shit out of all of us and them helped the cat catch a fly. It was a very entertaining night.

We left this morning and are now en route to Boise Idaho. I am going to eat soooo many potatoes.

I'm on tour!!

We're going to see a troll or something. I'm in seattle, more news later!! I'm having too much fun!

simple pleasures

2009 so far has been a growing experience. Since moving out of my fathers house last spring I have quickly come to realize that paying rent totally fucking blows. I also have learned that I unfortunately do not make as much money as I thought I did when we first moved in.

For the first six months of being on my own I afforded myself so many of lifes simple pleasures. I have since maxed out my credit card and the pleasures are fewer, far between, and much simpler. In these situations one must budget, lucky for me I actually enjoy budgeting.

First I try to eat really cheap simple foods, I stop going to stores and shopping online. I will make every possible combination of food in the house until I am down to just staple foods, and then run out of those and have to shop. I have been baking more lately because I usually have the ingredients for that. Pancakes are also a sinch. In times of crisis I also ride my bike a lot, luckily daylight savings is now in effect and I will have a few more hours of daylight to get home. I also recently patched holes in some old jeans and ressurected them back into my wardrobe. I am upping the punx, I can totally get away with it.

In the opinion of TV FBI guy Special Agent Dale Cooper I should give myself a special treat every day. I will try to Dale but not all of us have that fancy government salary. Until I get my debt under control I am afraid the only treat I'm getting is a nap or maybe some rice.

me against the world

It would be nice if I could depend on one aspect of my life to be stable, but I know I can't do that. Lately I feel like I am on a balance beam on a raft in the middle of the ocean. I can't fall off, but I guess if I do I can swim. Its just a matter of time before the sharks find me and I'm eaten alive.

I'm going on tour in two weeks, we don't really have any money, or a vehicle to tour in but somehow we are going to make it work. It seems crazy and I feel crazy but everyone wants to do it and It will be fun. (And most likely the most stressful week of our lives.) Regardless I think all of us are welcoming that stress.

Ever since I was a kid I have gotten these weird blood blisters for no reason, and only in certain places, the same places more often than not. When I was little it would be on the top of my foot. Now sometimes I get them on my legs, and when I'm stressed out I always get one on the top of my left wrist, everytime, never fails. Even when it goes away I can see the spot where it was, maybe my skin is too thin there. I dunno.

I feel like a robot lately. My emotions are all wackadoo. I put so much importance on very few things and very little to no importance on everything else. I realized last night that if I actually got what I wanted I probably wouldn't want it anymore.

bottomless pit of worry

I feel like I have been tied up and sent to the bottom of a bottomless (that doesn't make sense) pit of horrible worries in my brain. My unshakable ability to worry has taken over almost all aspects of my life, its so wonderful.

This is what I wish was happening in my brain all the time.

sleeper hold

I have been having a series of strange dreams lately. The past week my dreams have all been strangely love oriented. I don't know if that's supposed to mean anything other than I'm a hopeless romantic fool, but at least the dreams have been mildly entertaining for me.

Dream one: [WARNING: explicit content!]
I flew to Canada to be a bridesmaid in a wedding (of a woman I have only hung out with in real life once. She's not actually getting married to my knowledge but in the dream she was!) The dream was the first in the series and is becomming foggy but I remember being near a tree house, hanging out with some dogs and that my dress was white and this was a huge problem for me because I could not stop menstruating. (Sorry men) I know bridesmaid dresses aren't ever white, but I must have gotten lucky!

Dream two: I was in a big room in the back of a house that used to be down the street from where I grew up. It was the end of the culdesac. My friend was with me and we were on a pull out couch, I tried to get him to cuddle with me and though he did not resist his arms and legs seemed strange and uncomfortable. (so its probably better we're just friends!) EnterF crazy ex-gf. This particular friend has never told me about any of his ex's but everyone has a crazy ex so that's how it goes. She was jealous and apparently flew 2 hours to see him and then left and came back with an offerring of fruits and vegetables. Afterwards she again came back with more fruits trying to win over my family, I told them she was crazy and to make her leave but "keep those melons!" She then proceeded to set up some sort of fruit leather shop in my kitchen.

Dream 3: I flew to the east coast for some sort of reunion show of some sorts, It was like a cafeteria filled with metal folding chairs. I saw my most recent crush sitting in some seats a few rows up and did this superhuman leap over a few rows to sit next to him. I asked for a hug and he said I could give him a small kiss on the cheek. He then moved one seat away, and then back, and seemed anxious but I guess he's normally that way so I just thought it was cute.

Dream 4: Same dude as 3. This dream was much shorter, he was being sweet to me, and tickleing me and playfully biting my neck. Before I knew it he was gnawing on the back of my head. This was completely strange, totally out of character, and made me laugh a lot.

Fix my brain.

I made a prince with paper parts

I've been a little stressed lately, partly because of my own choices, mostly from a bunch of uncontrollable unforseeable stupid crap. I have been feeling more self sufficient, but also kind of lonely. Everyone around me is also incredibly stressed out and its making for a lot of friction in my friendships. Its hard to look past what's bothering you sometimes and just get over it and have fun. Lately its just been easier to stay home.

I made my friend a birthday card out of paper and glue. It arrived at his house just in time! He was super appreciative and so stoked about it. He thanked me right away! It felt really nice to be appreciated for so little effort. It made me feel warm all over just to know it made his day a tiny bit better! It also makes me sad to remember that I am still waiting for a thank you or even an acknowledgement from a present I sent to a good friend back in december. Its weird how different people are, you would think the simplest of actions like saying thank you would come naturally to most people but they don't. Some people you have to wait months and months, you want to resent them for it but you can't cause you love them. You love everything about them. You love everyone, its just the kind of person you are.

Pleased to meet you, walk all over me.

I need a hero

A couple days ago I ran into my longest crush ever on my way out of the DMV. He was on his motorcycle and pulled up next to me as I was walking. Granted he has changed a bit since high school, he used to be a punk skater kid.

At first I thought he was going to run me over or he was trying to get in the driveway, he was in full motorcycle garb so I didn't recognize him. Then he said "hey" and my first instinct was "oh great this motorcycle creep is going to hit on me". He must have noticed my confusion because he said my name and I realized who it was. "I'd recognize those eyebrows anywhere" I said to him playfully.

I have seen him around pretty frequently the past few years, the first time I saw him after high school was in the grocery store, and it made my heart swell with happiness to know that the boy I longed for for 5 years had now 'put on a few' pounds and somehow karma was rewarding my unrequited love. I guess that's a little mean since he never did anything to me, I'm almost sure he had no idea of my crush. I mean in high school you have to be overly secretive about feelings because they're so embarrassing.

He has since 'lost a few' and I made sure to mention I noticed, he talked about his band and how he's buying a house with his lady and I'm glad everything is going well for him. We talked for about 10 minutes before he got going. Its strange how I would almost consider him a friend now when in my teenage days I could barely say two words to him.

I guess this just made me realize, maybe I expect too much, I'm never satisfied. I like to think that's a good thing but sometimes I'm not so sure. I have fallen in love so many times, you might say I'm a professional by now, but I have yet to find a guy who's good at loving me.

People who need people

This morning I was frosting a cake I made last night for my friends birthday today. Upon completion of the cake I got a little sad when I realized no one was home to lick the beaters. I have always felt extremely independent, but I don't think I would ever want to live alone. Who would compliment my cooking, or the way the house smells when I'm baking? Who would lick the beaters?

st. valentines day massacre!!!!

I actually had a great day. I slept in, made french toast, updated my food blog, watched many episodes of the simpsons, took a nap, chocolate milkshake, and danced my ass off with my BFF. Okay I realize "chocolate milkshake" isn't an action but we went to herbivore, which is usually spot on, but my mac and cheese was WAY too salty and the milkshake was the only part worth mentioning. Oh and it was chocolate, and a milkshake.

It took 30 minutes to find parking (I hate San Francisco) but the show was totally worth it! Shannon and the clams were great live, the guitarist was dressed as cupid (or should I say undressed?) he had a nice body but insane mutton chops, I am still not sure if I think he's attractive or not. On the bright side there were TONS of handsome guys at this show, unfortunately they all had boyfriends!! My friends tried to pressure me into talking to the sound guy (he played minor threat AND jawbreaker) but I am unfortunately incapable of eye contact with handsome dudes, especially handsome dudes who like good bands.

I wore a crazy dress and I got a lot of compliments and prom comments. It was fun, I felt pretty all night. I danced my butt off for dreamdate, one of the girls thanked me after and said I made her night better! It was very sweet. They played tons of new stuff and I am really excited for a new album.

Hunx were hilarious and insane as usual, some crazy ponytail guy got on stage with them and got naked and crazy, Seth said he messed up one of the songs so they played it again. Hahaha! The ponytail guy had previously been kicked out of the show for popping all the balloons, and somehow made his way back in to molest hunx. He also had a very unfortunate goatee. I really wish dudes would stop thinking goatees look good, at least they help me weed out the d-bags! Okay bed time! xoxoxo

I'm gonna dress you up in my love...

Come eat my love tacos!

I made you a valentine!

Valentine's day is never too much fun for single people, but I always try to make the best of things. I made these depressing valentines to hand out to all my single friends, so far they're a huge hit! I saw the taco sign as I was driving and actually pulled over to take a picture of it, it's so ridiculous. Tomorrow I am going to the Hemlock in SF to see one of my favorite bands Dreamdate play with Hunx & his punx & Shannon and the clams. My friend Tessa has volunteered to be my hot date. I bought a pink princess dress at the thrift store to wear, complete with toole! I will post pictures after I alter it, its a little too princess di right now, I am thinking I want it to be a little more Courtney Love. (Secretly I have had an urge to wear cute grungy riot grrl dresses since I read Grrrl) I hope everyone has an awesome valentines day, despite your marital status! Make the best of it!

I found a rad flyer!

pants rich, dirt broke, no hope

Tonight I patched holes in 3 pairs of my pants, I was down to one pair of jeans that were so unfortunately purple. Don't get me wrong, I love purple, I love my purple jeans. The problem is nothing matches them!

I guess I haven't blogged in a while, sorry about that! I was sick and then I slept a bunch and I kept meaning to blog but I wanted to include pictures and then never had time at work and you know how it goes...

Things are looking grim lately, roommate lost his job and may have to move out. I am not sure if I will be able to find anyone to move in here or if things will work out or I'll have to relocate or what. I am mostly just a big ball of worry until I figure out what's going on. I wish I didn't have to depend on anyone else, but I honestly do. I can't make it on my own. I could try and find a better job but the chances of that are slim considering the crap hole economy.

I am starting to feel like I did at my dads house, he kept telling me not to worry but I felt like we were doomed. I also don't know how I'm going to ask my roommates for my $550 deposit if they make me bail out of the lease. I'm really not good at this assertive thing.

sick day

I called in sick to work today because I partied way to hard this week and seem to have come down with an annoying party bug. It hinders my speech and breathing skills. I hate it.

Despite being trapped at home all day going stir crazy I had an okay day. Rich and Gabe came over and brought me comics, they watched the simpsons with me for a little while too. I ripped the tape I made of the show last night (just the off with their heads and thorns of life sets) and the new shorebirds LP I have been in love with for months and aching to transport! I am very happy and feel like at least my day wasn't totally wasted. I also watched all of Upright Citizens Brigade: season two.

I want to talk about how awesome and spectacular the show was last night but I will save that for tomorrow, so I can post the pictures to go with it! Oh yeah I totally neglected to re register my car and have to pay double because its so late! DOH! I am going to be totally broke forever and ever.

emphasize the positive!

So a lot of really great things have been happening lately, I have failed to mention most of them because, I'm not sure, maybe wallowing in self pity just seemed more fun? I've neglected my responsibility to get you totally pumped on the awesome things in my life, and for this, I apologize!

Last night was super fun, I booked a show at Gilman but also wanted to see a show at the local dive bar. The only problem is the shows were an hour apart driving. Boy do I hate driving, but I made it work. I went to gilman, enjoyed sets by Boats, Secretions and Kepi The Band! (Kepi played drums the whole set while standing up, is there anything that man can't do?) I also ate FREE VEGAN CAKE which was awesome and bought a wonderfully delicious vegan donut. Oh the Joys and splendors of food, it always puts me in a better mood!

In my intense "sugar rush" state I jumped and danced a lot and flicked a bunch of light switches to create a spectaacular "light show" for Kepi and hugged a million people and then ran off to drive to the Off with their heads show. That driving part sucked but you can't win em all!


When I got there my friends the Hard girls had already left the stage, I was a little bummed but I just saw them a few weeks ago so I'll be okay. I said Hi to a few people and propped myself on a bar stool by the stage area to watch the Re-Volts! They were awesome, Spike is so handsome and sounded great. Their drummer made weird mupped noises before every song and they were incredibly fun to watch. The audience kind of sucked for them, maybe they just weren't drunk enough to act a fool with me.

After their set I went up and said Hi to Ryan from OWTH, got a big hug, and then slowly realized I knew AT LEAST 20 people in this tiny bar, it was like a weird high school reunion without the people I actually went to school with part. I guess I get around. I got a few "holy shit I haven't seen you in forever"s and tons of hugs. It was a really great feeling.

Off with their heads was amazing, this drunk guy kept trying to mess with me by standing in front of me and then I would move and he would do it again, I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me but if he really liked me he should have bought me a Shirley temple or something. Instead all he got was a few fierce fist shakings. I also got accused of trying to steal Zack's guitar, I mean I totally was but you'd think they'd trust me by now.

I played some photo hunt game with Ryan and Lisa, they were WAY better at it than me. I guess I need to go to bars more to practice. When I said goodbye for the night I got more hugs and Ryan squeezed my glasses against my face (on purpose) so I peeled them off my face and dropped them (on purpose) and groped my way around until he picked them up for me. Before he handed them back to me he put my hand on his face (think Helen Keller) and said "its me, Ryan" which was probably the funniest thing that happened all night.

I'm off to Berkeley now for night two of punk rock Joels birthday show madness! More OWTH, more Thorns of life! I saw them at a house show wednesday, great tunes, totally amazing people. I talked to Blake and Daniela for a while and they were both so nice! Okay I really have to go now!

desperately seeking danny

This week has been pretty hectic, tonight was the first time I really got to stay home and do nothing. I had plans but my friend flaked, it was a welcome flakiness because quite frankly I needed a break.

I have been feeling extremely conflicted with a lot of things lately, I've been more sensitive to my surroundings and more desiring of attention. I have been under a lot of stress lately and I'm suspecting that's what's triggered it. I'm really hoping its just some sort of evil PMS and will be gone soon.

I really miss having someone to talk to, more specifically a male, to say nice things to me. The last one didn't pan out so well, I'm not exactly sure what happened but I think it was my fault. So why am I the one who was hurt? I guess I understand, but not really. I wish he would explain it. It's been months now, I really need to get over this. I suck, that's enough self deprication for one night.

THIS WEEKEND

joelcolor, originally uploaded by prettymesss.

yo bloggers!! I booked these awesome shows this weekend, if anyone local reads this you should totally go! up the punx!

update!!

despite our "diffences", you're still a douche bag.

also:

you're totally right, what was I thinking!?

I hate to admit...

... how terrified I am of losing you for good, how much my hands shake as I write this, and how often I still cry over you.

accomplishments!!

Yesterday I accomplished the following things;

- Orange peel fight (I totally won)

- Mosh

- Beating my friends unmercifully with a foam sword

- Dodged flying garbage

- Did the dishes

- Failed at rainy day BBQ

- Ate pasta for the 24th consecutive day in a row (year of the noodle motherfucker)

- Compiled a bad ass ipod mix that made my friends giggle

- Hugged a lot

- Impressed my friends with the amount of Trick Daddy lyrics I knew

- Made a baby laugh

Why the panhandlers in Berkeley deserve my money.

924 023, originally uploaded by prettymesss.

the big chair

Everyone needs to escape once in a while, luckily my work place was designed with its very own escape pod. You must traverse through the aisles, past the spinning elvis, through the elvis door, up the pink stairs, through the glass door and finally you will reach the last door. This door, adorned with the likeness of the great Fat Albert is very rarely noticed, and hides the perfect spot for me to escape, collect my thoughts and sit.

Beyond the door is a maze of white bankers boxes, filled with reciepts and stacked to the ceiling blocking out most of the light and all vision from outside. I never turn on the lights in this room because just enough filters in to make me comfortable. Even more comfortable is the glorious white leather captains chair that lives in this tiny room among the boxes. Its arms so welcoming, and its worn out skin is soft and comforting. Here in the big chair, amidst the maze of white boxes, I will sit and contemplate my day. In the big chair I can breathe.

I wore my brown glasses for the first time today, I have tried them on before but they have been neglected for the blue, pink and black frames thus far. Until now. Brown glasses say something a little different, they crave less attention and are more adult than the other pairs. I feel so grown up in brown glasses, now if only I had a pair of pants with no holes in them that aren't purple.

Oh and yes, I DO have 4 pairs of prescription glasses, I got them for $8 a pair, all thanks to a wonderful site called zenni optical! www.zennioptical.com (I am constantly spreading the gospel of zenni, they should give me a free pair!)

Tuesdays have come to be the bane of my existence, if I were a lasagna loving cat they would be my mondays. Tuesdays give me crazy anxiety. I have to go to santa cruz and do tons of work cause I only have one day there. Also they are a bunch of jerks who come to work stoned and can't count money, so their registers are always WAY off. I have to waste precious chunks of my precious life trying to explain said shortages when the most I can ever chalk them up to is "sloppy cash handling"

Okay eww I need to stop blogging about work! I'm getting really sleepy and starting to doze off/drool on myself. Thanks for listening blog town. I can always count on you!

OMG you like food? ME TOO!!!

http://foodauthority.blogspot.com/

these are the only crowded rooms where I'm not all alone

I took some pictures of my favorite (current) gilman graffiti last week. A lot of them make me laugh so I wanted to share them with you. The walls are constantly changing in this place so I am going to try to document them from time to time.


lets not let "our diffences" come between us anymore.
poor sewage sally!
Okay so you know how last time I said I would never forget? well this time I MEAN it.
west bay invitational lyrics <3
I'm not sure if this is meant as a command or a suggestion.
Dear Adam, I take back all those horrible things I wrote about your religion on the bathroom wall. I still heart you. Sorry.
Oh you know, some retard thing.
finally the truth comes out.
big dead punk fish.
I sure don't!
I have never actually seen Pat Libby eat a baby, but he does have pants.
cole is SUCH an asscactus!
It's already been BROUGHT!

when I die, please send me back as a bear.

so I can eat babies and save them from the harshness of this world.

escape from dish mountain

I just did the dishes, not just a few but ALL of the dishes. They had creeped up out of the sink and covered the counter. It was quite an extreme challenge and took over an hour. I deserve a trophy. Props to my roommate trevor for drying and cleaning the stove while I scrubbed. Big ups to the water heater for providing enough hot water to conquer dish mountain. I have prune fingers. Ewwww.

dream blogger come rescue me

Yet another peek into my subconscious. I was at a school or university of some sorts, it had very old buildings and I was in a group of girls. Someone needed to use the restroom and I knew where one was, it was old and historical and should have been locked but luckily it wasn't. We all snuck inside, it had beautiful tiles and looked fancy. All the toilets had weird junk in them like colorful stuff that wouldn't flush down. The plumbing was shot. I searched the place for one that would flush and none of them would so we left. All the little stalls were weird and some were big rooms with several toilets and no doors. This is how I imagine old fashioned toilet rooms being, everyone just socializing and pooing. In ancient Rome they used to poop in a hole that was over a stream of running water! I think they just sat next to each other and grunted away. What a world.

In my dream I was with these girls, a few of them weren't exactly nice to me but by the end of the dream we were cool again. I went to find another washroom and the one I found was a big room with a dirt floor and a toilet plus shower contraption in the middle. I saw what I thought was a cat but when I got closer it was a baby baboon. More baby baboons showed up and I took a shower, I don't know how I could have gotten cleaner with the dirt floor but I never said my dreams were logical. When I came out of the shower I went to find the girls. The one I was previously fighting with and I bonded over our fear of baboons and how we never wanted to go back in there. She kind of looked like the blonde chick from Dawsons creek, the one with the chubby face.

Then I woke up!

midmorning misadventures!

I've been doing this thing lately where I come home, eat dinner and then lay in bed to watch a movie only to pass out before its over. I have been asleep by 9pm a lot recently, which is irregular for me! This usually leads to me waking up at somepoint in the middle of the night uncomfortable and getting up to brush my teeth. Tonight when I woke up it seems I had made myself a nest out of my blankets, I was like a tiny bird in a big soft nest. This pleased me so in an attempt to not mess up the nest I stayed in bed, greasy, dirty teeth and all, until the need to get up became too overpowering.

I have been sick as of late, no flu like I originally expected, just an annoying sore throat. I have also been broke as of late, preventing me from buying the normal get well essentials. Being sick isn't exactly in my budget!! So I'm laying in bed, achey throat, dirty teeth, and greasy face. I get up to refresh myself and possibly hunt down a lozenge. After 5 minutes of searching I come to the conclusion that my hair is awesome when its slept on, and that my house is lozenge free. Total Bummer.

Last night was the Measure [SA] show at gilman! It was super fun and I had such a great time hanging out with them. There are very few people in the world I feel completely comfortable around, right now I can only think of two, but Mikey is definately one of them. I also have this weird innability to be sad when he's around. Rich is my other feel good friend, and he was there too so it was basically the best night I could hope for. The only sad part is, now that its over, I don't have anything nearly as cool to look forward to.

Photo blog!!

Melba sent me this hat, it is beautiful just like her. I love it.




me and tessa in oakland hanging up flyers, around the corner to the right is 1234 go!



the bay bridge, to get to SF


sourpatch! rich trying not to laugh

best sourpatch picture ever.

xtine's mad skillz.



A-ross from Maribelle

Admittedly a very handsome dude.


gigantic hairball in the corner of the thomas street shower!! AMAZING!!

mandie kissed me, I look sooo happy!

the shocker!!



Tessa rockin the Jammies Alexis made her wear!