I still miss you, not as much as I used to but it's still there. I wish we could go back to the way things were but I know you're not the same.
I want to be in your life
I want to be in your life
Please let me back in.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
garage sale saturday, I need to pay my hearts outstanding bills.
I am slowly downsizing my life. I have always kept everything, because it reminded me of someone or something and made me feel good, and now I realize maybe I don't need quite so many things to remind me of the people I love and one thing for each person will suffice. My best friend Tessa was over on Saturday and watched me go through boxes for several hours. She basked in my childhood memories and said that one of the things she loved most about me was that she could come here and listen to my memories, since she doesn't have quite as much memory evoking stuff.
Everyone has memories, but my little trinkets and doodads hold special pinpointed memories that I am slightly afraid to lose, but I know I don't want to haul all of this stuff around for the rest of my life. Since I don't have a place where I can really store any of this junk it will just be slowly chipped away at as my memory fades and I grow more and more weary of my cluttered existence.
My friend Angela went to one of those quater machines and put in quarters until she collected ALL of the homies for me.
I got all of these in happy meals in the 80's. Mac Tonight is also what I believed the boogeyman to look like. He lived in my grandfathers tool shed. I still think he is terrifying.
That being said the reason for the all of a sudden downsizing is I am moving, well that and the 6 boxes in the kitchen I never quite unpacked from when we moved in a year ago. We are upgrading to a large 4 bedroom house with 6 really awesome people crammed into it. It has a basement and an attic and although none of us have seen the inside of the house I am confident it will be fantastic as well. I drove by it yesterday and it gigantic! I am so excited to live in a house of such grandeur!! Also my friend mandie will be living with us and she has a dog which I am totally excited to live with. I can't wait!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
mama life has just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away.
Yesterday I went to visit the parental unit for obligatory mothers day festivities. I have been incredibly broke the past couple of weeks so instead of buying flowers I made my mom a lovely card with construction paper, markers, and oil pastels. I haven't seen mom since christmas, she lives 10 minutes away. I admit that I am a terrible daughter, but it seems the "treat people how you want to be treated" credo doesn't work on mom, so I go into the defensive "treat people how they treat you" stance with her and offer up mostly distance and unreliability.
When I got to my grandparents house (host) I saw a blonde woman (parasite) standing in the driveway. I did not know her, or care to so I promptly went inside to which she told me "you might want to go through the back, the guy is working on the door" I didn't know what she meant until I went inside, found it vacant and tried to go into the back yard, but some guy was working on the back door. Oh that guy. She went into the back to tell my mom some crazy broad in a honda went into the house. (me) When I finally got into the backyard mom introduced me to the woman (my cousin Donovans aunt Chris) and her son. They have been staying there for the past couple of weeks because they got kicked out of their house or something. At first I was weary but upon talking to Chris more she just seemed batshit crazy and good company for my mom. Also she helps out with Grandpa.
Grandpa is getting worse. Hes got the Alzheimers PRETTY bad now. I mean I am used to him being confused about who I am but I don't know if he knew who I was at all this time. He smiled at me a few times but maybe only because he was scared of me. Haha. In the hour to an hour and a half I was there he checked the mail at least 15 times. He kept coming up to my mom and being upset that the mail wasn't here, that I had parked in front of the mailbox, and that the letters he put in the mail were now gone. He brought in the mail and then tried to put it back in the box several times. We kept trying to explain tomorrow is Sunday and the mail won't come and we shouldnt put the new mail out till Monday but he didn't get it. He also kept thinking he got the harmonica and cigarette lighter he was carrying around out of the mailbox. Mom had to keep explaining what they were how to use them. I was constantly amused by this. Mom was angry. Gramps has also got a giant weird mole on his temple now. Mom said she was taking him to get it checked, it was pretty gross looking.
There was also a tiny baby at the house, its Chris's grandaughter whom she had for the weekend. The baby was cute and my mom took great pride in knowing how to take care of it. She is really good with kids that did not grow in her own womb. This has always confused me, maybe she thinks that's enough?
After departing from my grandparents house (that no longer looks like the house I was raised in) I went to Gilman to see Ringers from boston play, along with nobunny, rock and roll adventure kids, street eaters and shotwell. I used $15 in rolled coin currency (pennies and nickels) to get gasoline so I could make it there and back. I am totally serious about my economic downfall. The show was a ton of fun and I am really glad I went.
When I got home I made a cool fleece monster cover thing for a mixtape I am making my friend Nick, he will be here on tour with the Dopamines friday and we planned several months ago to exchange mixes, and of course I procrastinated. The cover looks awesome though so hopefullly the b side can live up to it. When my roommates got home they noticed a box on the porch for me, it said "too Danny turdle" with a badly drawn turtle on it. Inside it was a turd (human I think) decorated with chocolate chips and batteries. It was really disgusting and went to the garbage immediately. I have a number of immature friends and no enemies I can think of so I don't think the "turdle" was meant to be malicious. Also whoever made it then had to get close enough to it to stick chocolate chips in it so I am okay with a quick peek and then carrying it to the trash. It was slightly humorous in a "I can't believe one of my friends is this insane" sort of way. I still kind of gag a little when I think about it. Uggghh why are people so strange?
When I got to my grandparents house (host) I saw a blonde woman (parasite) standing in the driveway. I did not know her, or care to so I promptly went inside to which she told me "you might want to go through the back, the guy is working on the door" I didn't know what she meant until I went inside, found it vacant and tried to go into the back yard, but some guy was working on the back door. Oh that guy. She went into the back to tell my mom some crazy broad in a honda went into the house. (me) When I finally got into the backyard mom introduced me to the woman (my cousin Donovans aunt Chris) and her son. They have been staying there for the past couple of weeks because they got kicked out of their house or something. At first I was weary but upon talking to Chris more she just seemed batshit crazy and good company for my mom. Also she helps out with Grandpa.
Grandpa is getting worse. Hes got the Alzheimers PRETTY bad now. I mean I am used to him being confused about who I am but I don't know if he knew who I was at all this time. He smiled at me a few times but maybe only because he was scared of me. Haha. In the hour to an hour and a half I was there he checked the mail at least 15 times. He kept coming up to my mom and being upset that the mail wasn't here, that I had parked in front of the mailbox, and that the letters he put in the mail were now gone. He brought in the mail and then tried to put it back in the box several times. We kept trying to explain tomorrow is Sunday and the mail won't come and we shouldnt put the new mail out till Monday but he didn't get it. He also kept thinking he got the harmonica and cigarette lighter he was carrying around out of the mailbox. Mom had to keep explaining what they were how to use them. I was constantly amused by this. Mom was angry. Gramps has also got a giant weird mole on his temple now. Mom said she was taking him to get it checked, it was pretty gross looking.
There was also a tiny baby at the house, its Chris's grandaughter whom she had for the weekend. The baby was cute and my mom took great pride in knowing how to take care of it. She is really good with kids that did not grow in her own womb. This has always confused me, maybe she thinks that's enough?
After departing from my grandparents house (that no longer looks like the house I was raised in) I went to Gilman to see Ringers from boston play, along with nobunny, rock and roll adventure kids, street eaters and shotwell. I used $15 in rolled coin currency (pennies and nickels) to get gasoline so I could make it there and back. I am totally serious about my economic downfall. The show was a ton of fun and I am really glad I went.
When I got home I made a cool fleece monster cover thing for a mixtape I am making my friend Nick, he will be here on tour with the Dopamines friday and we planned several months ago to exchange mixes, and of course I procrastinated. The cover looks awesome though so hopefullly the b side can live up to it. When my roommates got home they noticed a box on the porch for me, it said "too Danny turdle" with a badly drawn turtle on it. Inside it was a turd (human I think) decorated with chocolate chips and batteries. It was really disgusting and went to the garbage immediately. I have a number of immature friends and no enemies I can think of so I don't think the "turdle" was meant to be malicious. Also whoever made it then had to get close enough to it to stick chocolate chips in it so I am okay with a quick peek and then carrying it to the trash. It was slightly humorous in a "I can't believe one of my friends is this insane" sort of way. I still kind of gag a little when I think about it. Uggghh why are people so strange?
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