sleeper hold

I have been having a series of strange dreams lately. The past week my dreams have all been strangely love oriented. I don't know if that's supposed to mean anything other than I'm a hopeless romantic fool, but at least the dreams have been mildly entertaining for me.

Dream one: [WARNING: explicit content!]
I flew to Canada to be a bridesmaid in a wedding (of a woman I have only hung out with in real life once. She's not actually getting married to my knowledge but in the dream she was!) The dream was the first in the series and is becomming foggy but I remember being near a tree house, hanging out with some dogs and that my dress was white and this was a huge problem for me because I could not stop menstruating. (Sorry men) I know bridesmaid dresses aren't ever white, but I must have gotten lucky!

Dream two: I was in a big room in the back of a house that used to be down the street from where I grew up. It was the end of the culdesac. My friend was with me and we were on a pull out couch, I tried to get him to cuddle with me and though he did not resist his arms and legs seemed strange and uncomfortable. (so its probably better we're just friends!) EnterF crazy ex-gf. This particular friend has never told me about any of his ex's but everyone has a crazy ex so that's how it goes. She was jealous and apparently flew 2 hours to see him and then left and came back with an offerring of fruits and vegetables. Afterwards she again came back with more fruits trying to win over my family, I told them she was crazy and to make her leave but "keep those melons!" She then proceeded to set up some sort of fruit leather shop in my kitchen.

Dream 3: I flew to the east coast for some sort of reunion show of some sorts, It was like a cafeteria filled with metal folding chairs. I saw my most recent crush sitting in some seats a few rows up and did this superhuman leap over a few rows to sit next to him. I asked for a hug and he said I could give him a small kiss on the cheek. He then moved one seat away, and then back, and seemed anxious but I guess he's normally that way so I just thought it was cute.

Dream 4: Same dude as 3. This dream was much shorter, he was being sweet to me, and tickleing me and playfully biting my neck. Before I knew it he was gnawing on the back of my head. This was completely strange, totally out of character, and made me laugh a lot.

Fix my brain.

I made a prince with paper parts

I've been a little stressed lately, partly because of my own choices, mostly from a bunch of uncontrollable unforseeable stupid crap. I have been feeling more self sufficient, but also kind of lonely. Everyone around me is also incredibly stressed out and its making for a lot of friction in my friendships. Its hard to look past what's bothering you sometimes and just get over it and have fun. Lately its just been easier to stay home.

I made my friend a birthday card out of paper and glue. It arrived at his house just in time! He was super appreciative and so stoked about it. He thanked me right away! It felt really nice to be appreciated for so little effort. It made me feel warm all over just to know it made his day a tiny bit better! It also makes me sad to remember that I am still waiting for a thank you or even an acknowledgement from a present I sent to a good friend back in december. Its weird how different people are, you would think the simplest of actions like saying thank you would come naturally to most people but they don't. Some people you have to wait months and months, you want to resent them for it but you can't cause you love them. You love everything about them. You love everyone, its just the kind of person you are.

Pleased to meet you, walk all over me.

I need a hero

A couple days ago I ran into my longest crush ever on my way out of the DMV. He was on his motorcycle and pulled up next to me as I was walking. Granted he has changed a bit since high school, he used to be a punk skater kid.

At first I thought he was going to run me over or he was trying to get in the driveway, he was in full motorcycle garb so I didn't recognize him. Then he said "hey" and my first instinct was "oh great this motorcycle creep is going to hit on me". He must have noticed my confusion because he said my name and I realized who it was. "I'd recognize those eyebrows anywhere" I said to him playfully.

I have seen him around pretty frequently the past few years, the first time I saw him after high school was in the grocery store, and it made my heart swell with happiness to know that the boy I longed for for 5 years had now 'put on a few' pounds and somehow karma was rewarding my unrequited love. I guess that's a little mean since he never did anything to me, I'm almost sure he had no idea of my crush. I mean in high school you have to be overly secretive about feelings because they're so embarrassing.

He has since 'lost a few' and I made sure to mention I noticed, he talked about his band and how he's buying a house with his lady and I'm glad everything is going well for him. We talked for about 10 minutes before he got going. Its strange how I would almost consider him a friend now when in my teenage days I could barely say two words to him.

I guess this just made me realize, maybe I expect too much, I'm never satisfied. I like to think that's a good thing but sometimes I'm not so sure. I have fallen in love so many times, you might say I'm a professional by now, but I have yet to find a guy who's good at loving me.

People who need people

This morning I was frosting a cake I made last night for my friends birthday today. Upon completion of the cake I got a little sad when I realized no one was home to lick the beaters. I have always felt extremely independent, but I don't think I would ever want to live alone. Who would compliment my cooking, or the way the house smells when I'm baking? Who would lick the beaters?

st. valentines day massacre!!!!

I actually had a great day. I slept in, made french toast, updated my food blog, watched many episodes of the simpsons, took a nap, chocolate milkshake, and danced my ass off with my BFF. Okay I realize "chocolate milkshake" isn't an action but we went to herbivore, which is usually spot on, but my mac and cheese was WAY too salty and the milkshake was the only part worth mentioning. Oh and it was chocolate, and a milkshake.

It took 30 minutes to find parking (I hate San Francisco) but the show was totally worth it! Shannon and the clams were great live, the guitarist was dressed as cupid (or should I say undressed?) he had a nice body but insane mutton chops, I am still not sure if I think he's attractive or not. On the bright side there were TONS of handsome guys at this show, unfortunately they all had boyfriends!! My friends tried to pressure me into talking to the sound guy (he played minor threat AND jawbreaker) but I am unfortunately incapable of eye contact with handsome dudes, especially handsome dudes who like good bands.

I wore a crazy dress and I got a lot of compliments and prom comments. It was fun, I felt pretty all night. I danced my butt off for dreamdate, one of the girls thanked me after and said I made her night better! It was very sweet. They played tons of new stuff and I am really excited for a new album.

Hunx were hilarious and insane as usual, some crazy ponytail guy got on stage with them and got naked and crazy, Seth said he messed up one of the songs so they played it again. Hahaha! The ponytail guy had previously been kicked out of the show for popping all the balloons, and somehow made his way back in to molest hunx. He also had a very unfortunate goatee. I really wish dudes would stop thinking goatees look good, at least they help me weed out the d-bags! Okay bed time! xoxoxo

I'm gonna dress you up in my love...

Come eat my love tacos!

I made you a valentine!

Valentine's day is never too much fun for single people, but I always try to make the best of things. I made these depressing valentines to hand out to all my single friends, so far they're a huge hit! I saw the taco sign as I was driving and actually pulled over to take a picture of it, it's so ridiculous. Tomorrow I am going to the Hemlock in SF to see one of my favorite bands Dreamdate play with Hunx & his punx & Shannon and the clams. My friend Tessa has volunteered to be my hot date. I bought a pink princess dress at the thrift store to wear, complete with toole! I will post pictures after I alter it, its a little too princess di right now, I am thinking I want it to be a little more Courtney Love. (Secretly I have had an urge to wear cute grungy riot grrl dresses since I read Grrrl) I hope everyone has an awesome valentines day, despite your marital status! Make the best of it!

I found a rad flyer!

pants rich, dirt broke, no hope

Tonight I patched holes in 3 pairs of my pants, I was down to one pair of jeans that were so unfortunately purple. Don't get me wrong, I love purple, I love my purple jeans. The problem is nothing matches them!

I guess I haven't blogged in a while, sorry about that! I was sick and then I slept a bunch and I kept meaning to blog but I wanted to include pictures and then never had time at work and you know how it goes...

Things are looking grim lately, roommate lost his job and may have to move out. I am not sure if I will be able to find anyone to move in here or if things will work out or I'll have to relocate or what. I am mostly just a big ball of worry until I figure out what's going on. I wish I didn't have to depend on anyone else, but I honestly do. I can't make it on my own. I could try and find a better job but the chances of that are slim considering the crap hole economy.

I am starting to feel like I did at my dads house, he kept telling me not to worry but I felt like we were doomed. I also don't know how I'm going to ask my roommates for my $550 deposit if they make me bail out of the lease. I'm really not good at this assertive thing.

sick day

I called in sick to work today because I partied way to hard this week and seem to have come down with an annoying party bug. It hinders my speech and breathing skills. I hate it.

Despite being trapped at home all day going stir crazy I had an okay day. Rich and Gabe came over and brought me comics, they watched the simpsons with me for a little while too. I ripped the tape I made of the show last night (just the off with their heads and thorns of life sets) and the new shorebirds LP I have been in love with for months and aching to transport! I am very happy and feel like at least my day wasn't totally wasted. I also watched all of Upright Citizens Brigade: season two.

I want to talk about how awesome and spectacular the show was last night but I will save that for tomorrow, so I can post the pictures to go with it! Oh yeah I totally neglected to re register my car and have to pay double because its so late! DOH! I am going to be totally broke forever and ever.