riot grrrl pizza party!!
One of the things that always bothered me about pizza is how often it is regarded as JUNK FOOD! I mean c'mon!! Pizza is super good for you if you do it right! The only thing that's unhealthy about it is the mountains of cheese "fat America" puts all over it! Let's work together to make pizza a shining beacon of health! Hell let's make it a food group (the way I consume it, it could be!) Why do you think people in Italy live so damn long? It's the pizza!!!
Let's start with the crust! Pizza dough is made out of basically:
flour - that's wheat, it's a grain! grains are fucking healthy!
olive oil- which is super good for your skin! (you pretty pretty thing you!) it's also an antioxidant and good for digestion and keeping your cholesterol in check! (that might help you balance out the mountain of cheese but you should probably do some sit ups just in case!)
Yeast - IT'S ALIVE!!
Sugar - Only a little bit to activate the yeast, If yeast was a zombie, sugar would be it's BRAINS!!!
salt - just a pinch! Sodium is good for you in small doses and needs to be replenished after you sweat a lot or exercise! It helps your cells maintain their fluid levels and one of the symptoms of sodium deficiency is flatulence aka FARTS! So if you have a hot date make sure to eat some pita chips before or something! NO BEAN DIP!
Well then, crust isn't so scary is it? Maybe next time you won't leave its discarded corpse lying on your plate to be tossed in a landfill! Pizza has feelings too! (okay it really doesn't but I am an eccentric weirdo that personalizes food) On to the Toppings!
Tomato Sauce/Tomatoes: Tomatoes are a fruit! They are a member of the deadly nightshade family and were thought to be extremely poisonous up until about 1820! Tomatoes contain large amounts of vitamin C and also have a good amount of Vitamin A, Potassium, and Iron! Tomatoes also contain loads and loads of Lycopene which is an antioxidant that neutralizes free radicals in your body! Harvard researchers have discovered that men who eat 10 servings of tomatoes a week (AKA 10 slices of pizza) can cut the risk of developing prostate cancer by up to 45%!! Italian science nerds also discovered that eating 7 or more servings of raw tomatoes a week can lower the risk or developing rectal, colon, or stomach cancers by 60%!! AND nerd dudes in Israel discovered that lycopene is a powerful inhibitor of lung, breast and endometrial (that's your uterus wall) cancers!
Onions have fiber are a rich source of healthy sulfur compounds! They have cardiovascular benefits too, like reducing your blood pressure and cholestorol levels! Onions also contain Chromium which helps your body respond to insulin and keeps your blood sugar in check!
Garlic cleanses your blood and has a lot of antibiotic qualities! It is considered by some to be a cure all and might even help with your acne! it's anti- bacterial and has 1% the potency of penicillin but unlike antibiotics, most bacteria can't develop a resistance to garlic! One clove a day will keep you healthy, two cloves a day can ward off colds! Garlic is magic and gives you awesome breath!
Mushrooms are an excellent source of potassium, and a rich source of selenium which is an antioxidant that works with vitamin E to protect cells from the damaging effects of free radicals! Those darn free radicals are always trying to ruin my day!
There are also tons more, less conventional but still good for you toppings! So figure out your favorite combo and roll with it! So if I haven't convinced you to get in the kitchen and start kneading by now I don't know what will! Hopefully at least I got your mouth all watery and maybe that will motivate you to at least reach for the phone and call the delivery guy! But trust me, homemade always tastes better! Thanks for reading my angry pizza rant! And please please PLEASE stop using the "J word" when referring to my beloved pizza food!
1 comment:
this is a great piece, danny!
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