Danny has anxiety.

I got to the show a little late, I rode my bike so I stashed it in the back and then began watching the first band. He walks up to me and motions for me to go outside with him. Of course I do, how could I deny his powers of handsome? He wanted to talk to me because we never get to talk cause he only sees me at shows, we talk about jobs, and houses, and how the first time is always the best time, "like sex" he says... and I guess I sorta froze up because I have never been good at talking about such things... I was mostly just shocked that this man whom I have re-fallen in love with every time he smiles at me since I met him in high school was talking to me so casually about sex. More than that I had recently come to believe that he was really Christian and wholesome and this just seemed to cancel all of that out. He also talked about chicken and he said I looked offended! I wasn't.

This was about two weeks ago. Everyday since I have planned to call him since he never gets to talk to me and everyday since I chicken out. I will tonight for sure. I ride my bike past his work on my way home from work, I always look for his car but I am never sure which one is actually his. I hope to someday ride in that car and maybe he will smile at me like he usually does and drop me off at home. Sometimes all I want is a handsome man to drive me around and kiss me. That will probably never happen.

In three weeks I head to the east coast for some shows in NYC and New Jersey, and Insubordination fest in Baltimore. I am really really excited to see all the bands. I am also kind of nervous. In three weeks I get to hang out with the last boy who broke my heart. Believe me the list is long but since this was the most recent it still feels fresh. I thought I had buried all these feelings away but the closer it gets the more anxious I feel. Uck. I know I will be okay and it will be fun and I will be fine but its hard to keep my emotions at bay. I think if i resist any urges to kiss him or cry I will be good, if I had any idea what he felt maybe I wouldn't be so bugged out but I'm not expecting any miracles. I probably shouldn't be allowed to talk to dudes anymore, I am kind of a mess.