fix my brain

I bought this light pink sweatshirt a few weeks ago, its almost like a mauve color. I just did laundry and washed the pink sweatshirt and it still looks dirty, its looked dirty since the second day I wore it. Never again shall I buy that shade of pink. I need to find a good tee shirt to cut up and sew on the back, I will go through some of my small ones and hopefully find something. Maybe a nice big backpatch will draw any attention away from how dirty it looks.

I didn't dye my hair yet, I wanted to wait until Alexis could help me, she's really good at that sort of thing, unfortunately she took off several hours before I got home and will be at work until well after I'm asleep.

My night however was not totally unproductive. I made 2 pumpkin pies, washed some dishes, vacuumed, did laundry, made trevor clean the porch (it was disgusting! Old beers, and other assorted drinks, rotting pumpkins whose faces collapsed and ashtrays full of cigarette butts! Yuck!) He did a very good job and then we watched some futurama special features and now its quiet time.

I realized today that thanksgiving is something I used to look forward to, but ever since my grandmother died I now dread it. Thanksgiving just makes me really sad since she's no longer around to share it with. The past two years have been awkward to say the least, both times I ended up trying to spend time with my batshit mother and then off to whoever I was dating at the times parents or grandparents house for an evening of good food but lots of awkward stares and questions.

This is my first thanksgiving completely alone, I live on my own now and I have no where to really go. I'm going to make a ton of food and just hope that my roommates and friends aren't too busy. Its like I have to scrape together a makeshift family, because all the family I love is either dead or far away.

This is getting depressing, I am going to pop in a movie to turn off my brain and fold laundry until I fall asleep.