not quite dead yet.

This past weekend I went to gainesville, florida to attend the FEST 7! It was a whole lot of fun and I barely slept or sat down the entire weekend. The past two night I have gone to bed/passed out early because I was so pooped. I met tons of new people and hung out with a lot of old friends too. Basically I had an amazing weekend and only missed 3 bands I wanted to see (atom and his package, chinese telephones, & future virgins) so I feel like I won the fest. (which I totally did)

I am leaving for vacation again a week from today, its basically no time at all and feels like this weird "in between vacations" lull, I don't actually want to work but I know I have to, I just want to keep having fun and shrugging off responsibility. BOO to being back at work, although I do enjoy sitting on my butt after experiencing the ache in my feet that the fest brought. Yay to being back home with my bed, I missed her.

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me, I hate being back at work, its boring and repetitive and did I already say boring? I had a breakdown while at work, I don't think anyone noticed cause I'm a pro crybaby at this point and have gotten pretty good at hiding it. I was anxious all day, I didn't really calm down until after work when I went grocery shopping. I bought pie shells and pumpkin and two tofurkeys and I got so excited I almost made all of it last night but when I got home I was way exhausted and hungry and my roommates were going to watch the new futurama movie.

TV has always had a very calming effect on me. It allows me to turn off my head and just stop thinking about whatever is bothering me. Reading sometimes has the same affect but my thoughts will often override what I'm reading and cause me to have to go back and read parts again. TV is the only surefire way to really forget all my problems. I know people say its bad, and that it will rot my brain, but sometimes I just need my brain to rot so it will stop thinking about whatever is causing me to spazz out!! It wasn't until late last night that I figured out the cause of all my anxiety was simply PMS, way to go estrogen, thanks for making me look like a total crazy idiot all the time. You're the best.

I bought some henna dye at whole foods last night and I think I may try it tonight. I have been feeling kinda "unpretty" lately and my hair has been looking worse and worse. Maybe a little change will do me good. Also the light hair just doesn't seem right for how cold it's been and my brown won't grown back fast enough. I'm starting to feel lonely again and I want to feel better about myself. Self esteem, who needs it!?