little lungs

I went running tonight, I managed to strap myself down with 1 bra, 2 sports bras, and 1 bathing suit top. I was an immovable force. Running was easy, my legs work just fine, breathing was the hard part!

So I'm strapped down, which is making it hard to breathe, I was short of breath just looking for my tennis shoes, and on top of that I'm running at a pretty good pace (its dark and I'm scared) basically this is not routine for me and I'm a weakling. I had my big metal water bottle in case anyone tried to mess with me, but the only thing that did was a little dog. It scared the shit out of me.

I live in a fairly safe neighborhood, I mean, it looks ghetto, and people get shot, but only if they're looking for trouble. Its all latino families and kids and old ladies, so I feel really safe on the streets at night, which would probably freak my dad out. I made sure to only go to the left of my house where the other houses are, cause one block right is the main street with all the stores and people would be around, I also think that's where the "ghetto" starts. Haha.

I also don't like people "seeing" me excersize, I guess since everyone is a stranger here its okay, but in my old neighborhood everyone would try to talk to me about it, or ask why I stopped if I gave up. I also don't like to look weak in front of people, for example all my huffing and puffing tonight. My parents never excersized and I've never been really encouraged to do so, so it always felt like a shameful activity, like I was trying to be better than them. That's a really dumb way to think but I guess that's how I felt? I am over that now I think, but I'm still really private about it. Its weird!

My lungs feel like there is a deflated balloon wrapped around them, every breath seems like I'm working for it, and breathing still kind of hurts. When I breathe deep I want to cough. I think I freaked my body out, its not used to this kind of stuff. Haha. Anyway I should probably go to bed, I have to work in the morning.