nap-mares

I just woke up from my nap, I was taking the nap cause I felt like complete shit all morning. Like I was going to pass out but I had too many errands to run. I woke up from what I want to say was a "nap-mare" simply because it was a nightmare but not at night.

In the dream I was at my old house, where I grew up, and my dad was in the dining room on the computer. All of a sudden huge cockroaches started to come out of the ground, thousands of them but only in the room we were in. I pleaded with my dad to do something and he was too busy playing computer games and got angrier with every plea.

So basically the dream went a lot like that until I woke up, it seemed really long and torturous and waking up felt sooo good. I know dreams are supposed to be some sort of random laundry machine mixture of all the thoughts you have but this one felt like it had something to it, at least I felt like I could relate.

In the dream I was totally helpless, I had no bug spray and felt terrified and alone. In life I feel overwhelmed, work is insane, I have no control over anything, my body isn't really giving me what I want from it and I often feel like I don't really want to be responsible, for anything. I have also been playing a lot of facebook games lately haha. My daddy is no longer around to take care of me, I mean its been a while since he truly could take care of me, but at least he was around.

Last night was Leos party. I rushed home after work and made two lasagnas and constructed and frosted his ice cream cake which had been lying dormant in the freezer most of the week. I still have a purple spot of food coloring on the back of my left hand I cannot wash off. It was a very stressful start but turned out to be really fun and leo was really stoked. When I was recounting my pre party madness to some of my friends my friend max responded "yeah yeah we get it you're the perfect woman" which I totally agreed with of course. I didn't even realize I was trying, I just want to be a good friend.

Alexis just called me and I have to rescue her from her boring friends so she can come camera shopping with me. Mine likes to smoke after I take a picture, I'm pretty sure its going to die really soon involving something inside that's heating up finally popping and exploding and I don't want that to happen during my vacation!
I hope I can find a good one.